As the Butler here in this billionaire's home, I just wanted to tell you tonight that it takes an absolute army of contractors and vendors to keep a big house like this running smoothly!
This post could be lengthy, but you might be interested in what rich people have to put up with to conduct their daily lives. Ha!
As for the current family I'm working for, at the top of their list is their Events Planner:
For a small dinner party or an event for hundreds, they rely upon Lydia, and she's a dream come true. (In fact, I have a big crush on her!) She's attractive and comports herself like a New England blue-blood, prim and proper at all times (which fits into the crowd my employers entertain). But she's tough as nails, and gets things done. "You want a bi-plane pulling a 'Happy Anniversary' banner to fly overhead at 9:15, and spot lights on the grounds lighting it up?" Done! "You want a tent with a couple of chandeliers put up in the back gardens?" No problem!
The Caterers: What a team of professionals! Any menu item you wish. As many waiters and bar tenders as you need. Will they wash all the dishes and polish all the silver at the end of the party? You bet! (For an additional fee, of course. But as house manager, I'm quite willing to pay that!) We've all worked together so long that we know each other by name, and greet each other with hugs -- especially when the party's over and the last drunken guests have stumbled out to their Bentley. (Ha! Lets get out of here!)
The Florist: I don't really like this guy Andre (I doubt that's his real name) but he's the best in town, and I just keep my mouth shut. His handshake is like a limp fish, and he's got attitude for days. Sometimes he just drops off pre-made arrangements for me to put throughout the house. Other times, he brings all the raw materials here and creates his designs for each specific house vase (pronounced Vah-zeh around here). What a mess! Have you ever seen the backroom of a flower shop?
The Valet Parkers: They're hired by Lydia, and they're great. They work all the big parties in town, they know all the rich buzzards and all their cars, and we've never had a complaint about scratches or lingering cigarette smoke. Ha!
The Dog Groomer: Appropriately named Kitty, although in this case she's taking care of puppies. (And why we call these giant Great Danes "puppies" is beyond me.) Her grooming van is not that big, so she has to take them in one at a time. She's her every ten days or so, three times a month.
The Exterminator: I was a little surprised when first hired, that Billy turned out to be Billie. (Was that sexist?) She's a great gal (oh, God, was that sexist too?), who really knows her bugs. For whatever creature that's currently invading the house, I'm going to hear all about it's complete life cycle and just what potion she has that will curb its incursion. zzzzzzz.....! (Actually, my infatuation with Billie was addressed in a post entitled "Unrequited Love" . Ha! Please don't laugh!)
The Air Conditioning Man: With fourteen compressors to keep the Residence cool, it seems like Jake is always here, like one of the family. Even here on Holidays! Ha! He's the most fun good-ole-boy. During one gruelling event when a Senator was sweating during his speech because the A/C was down (and the Mrs was glaring at us in frustration), all we could do is look at each other and try not to laugh!
The Media Consultant: This fellow Jordan is a true God-send. He takes care of all the eleven televisions, the music system that echoes non-stop throughout the Residence, the internet connection and all the computers and printers. He's on retainer for any little need, and before I got here, he was even called out to change the batteries in a remote switch!
Now, all the above are just some of the vendors and contractors we interact with on a regular basis. But it's hardly the end of the list!
There's also the:
-Exterior Lighting Contractor.
-The Swimming Pool cleaners and Repair specialists
-The Painter, for touch ups and patching.
-The Gate repair and maintenance guys.
-The stone masons for the cobble-stone drive ways and slate walkways.
-The Dry Cleaners/Laundry who pick up and deliver.
-The Chimney Sweeps.
-Time Warner guys.
I'm sure I've left someone out. The geyser repair guys, yes. The washing machine and refrigerator repair men. Oh, man! It just goes on and on!
And my job is to juggle all these most-needed contractors and vendors into and out of the house, get the gates open at the proper time, and try to keep an eye out in case someone tries to abscond with something. Ha!
If anyone is actually reading this, I'm sure I've exhausted you! But this house could not function without all these professionals!
It's what all rich people put up with, day in and day out, to maintain their extravagant mode of living.
Thanks for reading, and good night.