Our Party -- In Honor of the British Royal Wedding!

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The guest list for Friday evening's private cocktail party swelled from twenty-five on Thursday to sixty-four by Friday morning!  (It seems a lot of rich folk want to gather together on Friday to hob-nob about Prince William's royal wedding.)

Having been around for awhile, I'm hardly surprised, and at least had enough time to call in a bartender, six valet parkers, to bring in the florist and notify our very flexible caterer -- who long ago learned to ignore original estimates when it comes to this specific family.  Ha!  So all was in control.

The house was filled with flowers, and aglow with scented candles.  And I wish you could have seen the parade of cocktail attire--Giorgio Armani, Dior, Escada, Fendi, and one of my Missus' favorite -- Valentino.  And the diamonds--Tiffany, Cartier--I"m pretty sure I spotted a Patek Phillipe watch on one of the gentlemen (an easy $200,000).

Absolutely a beautiful evening, and everyone seemingly paid close attention to the DVD highlights of the Royal Wedding.  We Americans are so in awe of these hundreds-year-old traditions. 

As a relatively new country, we do make some attempt at pomp and circumstance in Washington.  And it's nice, and makes us proud.  But the British do it best!  Hands down. 

Having watched the entire six-hour event myself on CNN, I'm simply stunned by the precision and precise timing of each and every moment in the sequence of events. 

(Our Academy Awards presentations, the closest we have to such a glamorous event, could learn a lesson here!  Ha!)

I'm aware of all the arguments and controversy of the pro-and-anti monarchists in Britain.  But two billion people watching today worldwide (not to mention our little cocktail party), the anti-monarchists might want to rethink their position. 

Do you really think they're a burden and drain on your economy?  Ha!  Get a grip!

Hope you've enjoyed the day!

Good night,
Andrew

Prince William's Royal Wedding -- Cocktails at Seven!

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Big News!

We have a Media Tech (Jordan) on retainer who takes care of all the tv's, the music system throughout the house, the telephones, all the computers and the internet connection. 

In the past, before I got here, Nelda would call him in for any little thing, even for a paper jam in the printer, or dead batteries in a remote switch.

Anyhow, in yesterday's post I mentioned I had to immediately acquire a half-kilo of  "Beluga".  And today I found out why.

Jordan called this afternoon and asked, "What would be a convenient time to drop off the DVD?" 

"What DVD?", I asked (of course), being all ears! 

It seems the Missus asked him to watch and/or record all the highlights of Prince William and Kate Middleton's marriage, and condense it into a DVD for the cocktail party on Friday evening. 

I had wondered if my family would pay attention.  And now I have the answer. 

For all of us all around the world (not just high society), this is such a fun and important event.  Not just for the beauty, the history, the drama and of course the high fashion -- but this type of thing helps to bind us together as an organized, civilized society.  It gives us direction in an otherwise chaotic world.

So I'm looking much forward to this cocktail party!

Hope you enjoy all the events tomorrow as well!

Good night,
Andrew

Beluga Caviar!

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As is her annoying habit, the Missus told me late on Thursday that we'll be having twenty-five people for cocktails on Friday at 6:30! 

And as butler in this household, it's my job to carry out her orders, no matter how short the notice!  Ha! 

The menu she requested was a list of imported cheeses (easily acquired), red and white grapes, and a half-kilo of Beluga Caviar.  Yikes!  Thank God for next-day air!

I can't seem to get it through her head that Beluga is banned as an endangered species.  Instead, most folk nowadays are using the most highly prized substitute, Karaburun Osetra Caviar -- simply a different Sturgeon species, from the same Caspian Sea.  (But in denial, everyone still refers to it as Beluga!)

The price I paid on Thursday afternoon (online) was $3,230 for a half kilo (just a little over a pound)!  Plus overnight delivery!   omg!

The expense of Beluga and Osetra is simply the rarity.  The female has to be about twenty to twenty-five years old before she produces quality eggs.  They don't kill the fish, you know, just harvest the eggs, and the older the Sturgeon, the better the eggs. 

(I've heard rumor about a hundred-year-old Sturgeon in the Caspian  who's eggs are harvested only every two years, and bring a price of $25,000 for a half-kilo!) 


We've all seen cheap caviar that caterers sprinkle onto hors d'oeuvres, (crackers with cream cheese, egg, and so forth).  

But the real thing, Beluga and Osetra, is taken alone, with a small caviar spoon -- ours are made of mother-of-pearl.  For a hostess to lay out caviar spoons is about the ultimate in luxury delicacies.  And you know you've landed in the right place for the evening! 

However --  I once knew a hostess in Manhattan (a truly kind, generous woman) who always wanted to give her guests the best.  But she also didn't want to appear pretentious, or make cause for gratitude.  So, in her house there were never caviar spoons -- and she had her chef sprinkle Beluga Caviar on top of crackers with cream cheese! 

Can you imagine! 

Now that has to be the ultimate definition of class!


Hope this was fun!   And thanks for reading!


Good night,
Andrew

Lent is Over! Back to Business!

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I recall telling you in an earlier post entitled "The Beginning of Lent" that one of  my resolutions for Lent this year was to stop flirting with Billie, our exterminator.

But Lent is finally and finally over, so all bets are off!   Ha!

The Missus loves fresh air in the house.  So tomorrow I'm going to open all the French windows in both the Dining Room and Library, as well as all the doors to the Loggias.


The result will be a minor invasion of insects of course  -- in which case I honestly have no option but to call in Billie!  

Having discovered that she plays the cello, I bought a vintage CD of  Jacqueline du Pre's solos, which will be playing while she's here -- and bound to intrigue, n'est pas?  

I fully realize this could be considered as unethical, on so many levels.  Which is precisely why I waited until the passing of Lent!  So there's that.    


In the work place, I'm keenly aware of when innocent flirtations cross the line and become harassment.   And trust me, I'll not be crossing that line!


But Billie is so lovely and interesting!  I have to let her know in some way how she intrigues me -- although I already know girls are very intuitive in this area.     

Animotion on YouTube has a fun explanation of this kind of situation!   Hope you have a moment to listen.  Just hit this link !  


Forgive me for straying so far from the topics!   Thanks for reading, and thanks for any sympathy and/or understanding you might have tonight!   Ha!



Good night,
Andrew

Easter Sunday!

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I didn't want to let this day pass without saying Happy Easter!

I do hope it's been a happy and meaningful day for all of us, for whatever reasons. 

Good night,
Andrew

Baby Diapers for Cleaning!

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In my capacity as butler for a billionaire, one of our most important cleaning tools around here for polishing glass, mirrors and crystal stemware is old-fashioned baby diapers!  Ha!

Why? 

Because they don't leave lent!  But, man, are they hard to find!

Old-fashioned, flat-fold diapers.  Earlier generations know about this, of course.  But when I told the Missus (who has never cleaned anything in her life) about using baby diapers, she thought I was crazy!


But I finally found them at Babies R Us, made by Gerber.  And it even says on the outside of the package:

- Diapering
- Burping, Nursing
- Car Washing & Waxing
- Household Dusting ! 

Of course I showed the package to both the Missus and Nelda (the Executive Housekeeper), to justify my existence.  And Nelda loves them!

But here's a tip.  You have to wash them separately from everything else, or you will contaminate them with lent, and destroy the whole purpose!
 

If you can ever find the diapers, I hope this information will be useful and helpful. 

Good night,
Andrew

Return From Billionaire Rehab!

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The Missus returned from Switzerland yesterday, a few days earlier than we had expected. 

But there's nothing new about that.  (It's just like her to do the Eight Day Sleep Cure in six days.  Ha!  Would have expected nothing less.)

Although I still don't know what's going on around here, here's what I do know:

- She looks refreshed and a couple of pounds down (which usually means rehab).
- She left with two pieces of Louis Vuitton and came back with three (which means lots of shopping).
- She did not return to the Master Bedroom (not good news).

So I'll have to utilize my keenest observations to figure this all out:

-  Pay attention to morning conversations (if any) at breakfast. 
-  Ask the Upstairs Maid what was in the new suitcase, as she unpacks it.
-  Watch for any bills that come in the mail.
-  Be alert to any phone conversations (she always calls her friends when she returns from a trip)*

And that's all I've got, short of her telling me exactly what's going on around here--which will never happen!

But as soon as I know something (if ever), so will you.  Ha!


Thanks for reading!


And good night,
Andrew

*  The difference between idle eavesdropping and gathering vital information has been addressed in a previous post, entitled "A Week Without Gossip".   I'm not a born snoop, just trying to figure out if I have a job or not, and for how much longer.

Billionaire Butler FAQ: "Are There Female Butlers?"

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As a butler in an American billionaire's home,  I've often been asked this question as to whether or not there are female counterparts.

I read a quirky article (in the Boston Globe, I think), that said about ten percent of butlers world-wide are female gendered.  But in America, this percentage is much, much higher!

However, instead of the title "Butler", female-gendered candidates in this position are more often referred to as "House Managers", or "Personal Assistants". 

But to be such, you must have not only Personal Assistant skills for secretarial work, organizing, personal shopping and so forth -- but you must also know how to run a house:

-Keep a household budget and pay bills
-Hire and train staff, everything from making luxury beds to sterilizing telephones and light switches. 
-Fabric care, not only for clothes, but also furniture fabrics and carpets.
-Deal with vendors and contractors and negotiate the best rate.
-Trouble-shoot anything from a dying orchid to a water heater going out.

To those who have shown interest in emails, these are acquirable skills from any Butler or House Staff School in the country, and there are several good ones.  Here's a link.

One of my dearest friends, Leah, is the Personal Assistant for a famous sports figure.  (I'm dying to tell you who, but our jobs are at stake!  Ha!)  Anyhow, Leah not only assists the athlete in question, but she also runs the house and all activities involved. (Her salary is almost double mine, and her Christmas bonus this year was triple!)

So if you're curious about going into the profession, gender is not really an issue. 

But knowledge certainly is!

Hope this was helpful.

Good night,
Andrew

Billionaire Butler FAQ: Do You Wear Uniforms?

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A reader by the name of Becca in Ruidosa, New Mexico asked, "Do you wear uniforms?" 

As butler in a Billionaire's house, that's a good question, and it does figure into the scenes and scenarios I'm always trying to describe to you.

The answer, Becca, is yes.  And no.  Ha!  This will have to be a three-part answer.

If it's a formal occasion:  At a sit-down dinner, large party or fund-raising event, Nelda and Ester will be wearing a gray dress with white apron.  Hit this link for an exact picture.  (This uniform is Nelda's choice, and she's been here far longer than I have.)  I will be wearing a Brooks Brothers dark striped suit.  (Brooks carries the most conservative men's wear in America, and is perfect for this situation.)  Here's a link to the exact suit.

If there are guests and dignitaries staying overnight in the house, or for a simple cocktail party: Nelda and Ester wear the gray dress with white apron, and I just wear slacks and a black Golden Fleece polo shirt (again from Brooks).  Here's the link to the exact shirt (but you have to click the "black" button.)

And last, Casual Daily Wear:  Now here's the fun part.  When I first started working here I appeared every day in Brooks Brothers slacks and varied-colored polo shirts.  And my relationship with the family was rather stiff and tense during those first few months. Then one day I was called in on a day off for an air conditioning problem.  I was unshaven, in jeans and T-shirt.  And both the Mister and Missus warmed up to me that day, as if I were a real human being.  After all, they run around the house and grounds in shorts and jeans, too.

So the end result of that (for all of us) is that our fun and comfortable daily wear around the house is jeans and T-shirts (yes, even Nelda!). 

But I thought we should all at least wear matching, black, cover-all aprons, to distinguish and separate ourselves from family, drop-in visitors, contractors and vendors.  And here's the happy link to our normal daily wear.

This kind of attire would never go in a British household, I know.  But after all, this is America and right or wrong, we are decidedly a little more relaxed!

Hope this gives a better idea of how things are around here.

Good night,
Andrew

Rehab for a Billionaire!

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This morning when I woke up and looked out the window, I saw Maurizio (the Groundskeeper) loading two pieces of luggage into the trunk of the Missus' car. 

What?  By the time I got dressed and downstairs, she was already gone! 

My "informant" at the Foundation (who is on speed dial, of course) said she had just done her morning check of the accounts and saw where the Missus had purchased R/T tickets to Geneva for ten days -- and was about to call me! 

Now, considering the previously mentioned troubles between the Mister and Missus lately, this could have been alarming!  Ha!

But it's Geneva after all, and we've been through this scenario before, several times.

When you and I have to go to rehab (lol!), we have to go to some facility with pre-programmed therapies, share our time and space with other unfortunates, and just go through the prescribed paces. 

If you have a few bucks, however, you might could get into the Betty Ford Center where a lot of Hollywood types go.  (Bless her dear heart!)

But the super rich?  They go to Switzerland!

I remember years ago hearing about "The Eight Day Sleep Cure" where Hollywood stars would run off to Switzerland with any little ailment, loss or grief.  You're put to sleep for eight days -- during which time you're exercised, massaged, given facials, and along with a careful intravenous diet, you wake up completely refreshed and ten pounds lighter.!  Ha! 

I have no idea if this treatment was true or not, but Swiss rehab clinics for the rich are definitely true!

They'll design a one-on-one treatment program for anything the client wants!  And they'll pick you up at the airport (along with your Louis Vuitton luggage) in a limo -- and escort you to your luxurious quarters for whatever it is that you want done. 

Just some quiet rest?  Detox from too much champagne?  Or just hide out while you're nips and tucks are healing?  They'll do it.

Take a look at this website, if you don't believe me:  http://www.swixmed.com/

This sudden escape, however, combined with the recent marital discord, does raise some red flags!  (Not to mention my blood pressure!)

Please hit this YouTube link and let Amy Winehouse better explain my delightful consternation tonight! 

Thanks for reading, and I'll definitely keep you posted!

Good night,
Andrew
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UPDATE: October 3, 2011

The above post was written in mid-April -- a full three months before Betty Ford and Amy Winehouse both died in the same month --  July of 2011.   A bizarre coincidence in the minds of many-- for obvious reasons.    I hope sincerely this post was not irreverent in any way to either of  their memories!    

Andrew

Landscaping for a Billionaire: Our Sickly Cypress!

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I've heard around town about a very competent Horticulturist who can be engaged (at $125/hour) to diagnose landscaping problems. 

So on Friday I had her come in.  One of the fifty-foot Italian cypress trees on this property is in trouble--browning on one side. 

And as I see it, in my role as House Manager / Butler, I have three options:

1) Let the tree die and find a new job. 
2) Bring in a crane and flatbed truck with a new tree (which will cost us an easy $2,750).
3) Or try to salvage the tree at hand.

Since I would be the one blamed if the tree dies, I considered her fee justifiable and asked her to come over right away.  And for three hours she walked around the property with me, Mauritzio and Dario in tow, reporting all the problems she encountered, and precisely how to correct them. 

An amazing learning experience!  And the Groundskeepers (who's labors are so often thankless) were enthralled.  And it seems we can salvage the cypress -- a simple problem of spider mites.

I'm not sure why I'm reporting this to you.  Except this is the kind of world I live in.  And this is the kind of money the rich don't mind spending.

When I first got here three years ago, I hired a museum curator to walk with me throughout the Residence, to tell me just what all I'm dealing with.  After all, each and every piece of furniture and objet d'art in this kind of place has its own needs.


Hope this was somewhat interesting,   Although I'm thinking I probably just put you to sleep!  Ha!


Thanks for reading,
Andrew

The Best Chicken Ever!

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On our crazy Chef's two days off,  I myself (the Butler) am in charge of making dinner! 

omg!

And while being a complete culinary fraud (as previously mentioned) I do make a few good Italian dishes! 

But often I resort to poor-folk menus, like I grew up with! 

My rich employers -- having had little exposure to such cuisine -- seem delighted by one of my stand-by recipes (crunchy onion chicken),  and call it "The best chicken ever"!  Ha!

I'm sure you know this recipe by heart, and can probably make it in your sleep!  But just in case,  here's a refresher:

Just coat some chicken breasts in mustard, add a little salt and pepper, then sprinkle both sides with crushed fried onions.  That's it!  

Prep time is about three or four minutes.  Then you bake it at 400 degrees for 20 minutes.  (But exactly twenty minutes, no more -- so it comes out plump and juicy!)  And it's absolutely delicious!

I use French's "French-Fried Onions" (there are other good brands out there), like you see in a green-bean casserole at Thanksgiving.  Just crunch them up on a plate, or in a freezer bag. 

(By the way, you can go nuts in the supermarket trying to find them -- but they're usually on the canned vegetable isle -- along with the canned beans and spinach.)

But here's where the "gourmet" comes in.  There are literally hundreds of wonderful and widely-differing exotic mustards out there, from every corner of the earth!  (Look for them in the deli isle, or online.) 

So you can turn this simple poor-folk recipe into a real gourmet treat!  (And if you have the energy or inclination, you could even buy a fresh horse radish root, and grate it into the mustard!)     

With enough practice, you could become a culinary fraud, like me.  Ha!   But this is really good.  And everyone seems to like it!

So I hope you'll try it!  And enjoy!

Let me know!

Good night,
Andrew

Rich People and Romance!

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As the live-in butler on a billionaire's estate, things around here are non-stop crazy most of the time!  omg!

But all of a sudden --  it's a quiet weekend! 

The family is away, and I've found a few rare moments to reflect upon this crazy, quixotic job -- surrounded by opulence and beauty, twenty-four-seven!

Not to mention observing the activities of those who have no restrictions whatsoever upon satisfying their dreams!

With this particular family I'm engaged with, life here (for the most part) is all so amazingly relaxed -- and romantic.

And the best way I can possibly describe the elegance, the mood and the atmosphere around here is through music: 

Please hit this YouTube link and let Carly Simon explain it far better than I possibly ever could! 

This is the dreamworld I find myself in!

Hope you enjoy it!  And thank you for reading!

Good night,
Andrew