As the butler here on a billionaire's estate, I get a lot of questions about the cars my employers drive.
Sedans, sports cars, SUV's -- and as you might expect, all the biggies come into play here -- Bentley, Rolls Royce, Mercedes, Lamborghini, Jaguar, even Cadillac.
Due to confidentiality, you understand, I can't actually reveal which ones are garaged here.
But I do have lots of fun stuff to tell you!
According to my "confidant" at the Foundation, there's fourteen cars on the insurance roll! Dear God!
Eight of them are here at the Residence, including my household errand car. And I'm assuming the others are at their homes in Aspen and the Caymans. (As far as I know, they don't keep cars at their 'Pied-a-terres' in France and Switzerland.)
All this for two people!!!
And as these cars don't get driven that often, our biggest problem around here is keeping all the batteries up and running!
But here's how we handle all of it:
First, I'm in charge of seeing that all the cars have new inspection and registration stickers. And I have a chart, month by month, showing which car needs what.
(And while most of us have our inspection and registration done in the same month, no such luck around here! They're all out of sync, thanks to the last dumb-ass House Manager, and we're sending a car out for inspection one month, and getting the registration sticker two or three months later. How messed up is that?)
This is a constant rotation in and out, of course -- and clearly the burden on my shoulders is that my employers don't get stopped by a cop for some out-of-date sticker. (That would be the end of me around here! lol!)
Second, the groundskeepers Maurizio and Dario, are in charge of keeping all the cars washed and polished. They even have a compressor to keep all the tires fluffed up!
And it's their job to run the cars out for gasoline. (Petrol, benzine-- as you call it in Europe.)
(The Missus has no idea how to do this -- none whatsoever! To be honest, I can't even imagine her standing there beside her car with a pump handle in hand -- in her stilettos and Cartier jewels on both wrists and fingers-- fueling her own car! No!!! That doesn't happen! In fact, it's beyond all comprehension! Ha! Have you ever seen a photo of Elizabeth Taylor or Queen Elizabeth gassing up their own limos?)
And third, these expensive car dealerships are great about picking up the vehicles for routine maintenance, and returning them as well. So that's one burden off my shoulders. (And due to my employers' erratic driving abilities, frequent visits to the body shop are also accommodated just as easily by the dealerships.)
So that's how we handle all the cars around here. And I'm sure this has been the most idiotic post I've ever written!
But these things are important. Right? A car has to be up and running, fully fueled and with all current stickers required, before we can release it for anyone to drive.
And that burden is squarely on my shoulders.
Thanks for reading!
And good night!