________________________________________
If you've been reading for awhile, you might remember I've mentioned that one of the fun things about being a butler for a billionaire family is that you learn something new every day.
Well, today I learned something new I should have already known! (Which annoys me no end! Ha!)
To explain: My employers have lent the house out to a fund raising event (which they often do), and all the arrangements are being handled by the charity. This includes the main floral centerpieces. (But we always contribute the house flowers, in all the casual vases throughout the house.)
So today their chosen florist (someone new to me) called up and asked
the distance between our dining room table and the chandelier. (I was in heavy traffic, approaching a school zone, and my favorite "Fat Bottomed Girls" was blasting. So I was already annoyed by the call!)
But then, the icy tone of her voice and her business-like insistence triggered an instant dislike. Ha!
"I don't know, two-and-a-half feet, maybe three," I replied, just as cold and flat as her own voice.
Then, there was this long, long pause -- I thought the call had dropped! But finally she said, as stern as can be, "Most chandeliers are thirty inches above the table. I need to know the exact space."
Well -- aside from the fact I don't respond well to "stern" -- the distance is just something I kinda know by observation. (And I don't recall it being covered in Butler School, unless that was a severe hangover day!)
But when I took an actual measurement, it seems our chandelier is twenty-nine inches above the table, which I'll admit does concern a florist and how tall the centerpieces should be.
There seems to be a raging debate among interior designers about how high a chandelier should be. "Thirty to thirty-four inches above the table for an eight-foot ceiling," they say.
Some of them go on to suggest, "If the ceilings are higher, raise the chandelier an additional inch or two for each foot."
What?
This is utter nonsense!
They're forgetting the original idea of a chandelier (before electricity and dimmer switches) when candles were in use! With the sole purpose being to see what the heck you're eating! Ha!
The lower the chandelier, the fewer candles that needed to be lit -- not to mention the ease of changing the candles every day.
And this practical and functional height has become traditional through the ages, even in modern times when candles were exchanged for light bulbs.
For Entry Halls and Grand Ball Rooms, the lighting fixtures are hung much higher, of course. But to any interior designer who might be reading tonight, listen up:
The ceilings in this house are eighteen feet high! And nonetheless our Baccarat chandelier is dropped all the way down to 29 inches above the table! Beautiful, charming -- and intimate! Get it?
For those of us who live in apartments (including my own apartment here on the estate) this is one idiotic decision we don't have to deal with, right?
And getting back to reality, maybe we can listen to Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls" tonight -- before we were so rudely interrupted by that phone call. Ha!
Here's the fun YouTube link!
Hope you're having a nice weekend!
Andrew
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Addendum to "What Do Rich People Talk About?"
__________________________________________
In our last conversation entitled "What Do Rich People Talk About?", I was telling you how the rich (at least at parties) dodge any talk about money, business, health and politics.
But to add to that, I'd just like to say I always find it amusing the way they sling around numbers in their conversations!
For example:
If I said to you I bought a decent table wine for "nine fifty" at the local supermarket, you'd immediately understand I mean nine-dollars-and-fifty-cents ($9.50). Right?
But if you heard "nine fifty" from the lips of the rich, it would of course mean they paid nine-hundred-and-fifty dollars ($950) for that bottle of wine!
Ha!
Likewise, if you hear a number such as "seventy-five" thrown around (depending entirely upon the context of the conversation), that could mean:
- An inexpensive off-the-rack cocktail dress from Neiman Marcus for seventy-five hundred dollars! ($7,500).
- A haute couture cocktail dress for seventy-five-thousand dollars! ($75,000).
- Or a prime piece of real-estate, suitable for building an office tower, for seventy-five-million dollars! ($75,000,000)
So -- if you're in the business of eavesdropping and spreading gossip, it's absolutely essential you pay attention to the context of the conversation!
Ha!
To my knowledge, there's no such thing as a seventy-five-million-dollar cocktail dress!
Good night,
Andrew
In our last conversation entitled "What Do Rich People Talk About?", I was telling you how the rich (at least at parties) dodge any talk about money, business, health and politics.
But to add to that, I'd just like to say I always find it amusing the way they sling around numbers in their conversations!
For example:
If I said to you I bought a decent table wine for "nine fifty" at the local supermarket, you'd immediately understand I mean nine-dollars-and-fifty-cents ($9.50). Right?
But if you heard "nine fifty" from the lips of the rich, it would of course mean they paid nine-hundred-and-fifty dollars ($950) for that bottle of wine!
Ha!
Likewise, if you hear a number such as "seventy-five" thrown around (depending entirely upon the context of the conversation), that could mean:
- An inexpensive off-the-rack cocktail dress from Neiman Marcus for seventy-five hundred dollars! ($7,500).
- A haute couture cocktail dress for seventy-five-thousand dollars! ($75,000).
- Or a prime piece of real-estate, suitable for building an office tower, for seventy-five-million dollars! ($75,000,000)
So -- if you're in the business of eavesdropping and spreading gossip, it's absolutely essential you pay attention to the context of the conversation!
Ha!
To my knowledge, there's no such thing as a seventy-five-million-dollar cocktail dress!
Good night,
Andrew
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
FAQ: "What Do Rich People Talk About?"
___________________________________
Ha!
I love this question!
And they do talk about the damnedest things!
A few juicy items I've overheard at cocktail parties:
- How much longer they have to live, according to their actuaries. Ha!
- Who's the best lawyer in town to break a prenuptial agreement?
- "Is their runway long enough for a weekend visit?"
- "Is that from Cartier's? Or did you find it in a taxi?"
In general, however, conversations among the rich (whether at intimate cocktail parties or huge events) are seemingly limited to trivial topics: the weather, wines, cigars, the best caterer in town, hors d' hoeuvre recipes -- and non-stop, profuse compliments upon their evening's attire, hair styles and the selected jewelry for the evening.
One of the funniest conversations I ever heard was when the Missus, during a late-afternoon cocktail party, escorted our local Grand Dame out onto the terrace.
(It was autumn, and fall colors were at their peak -- reds, pinks, purple, yellow and gold! Absolutely beautiful!)
Said the slightly inebriated Grand Dame, "Your grounds are lovely, my dear. Who does your trees?"
Now, you will rarely hear rich people talk about their money, or their success. In fact, using a cocktail party or event to network (such as handing out a business card) is frowned upon, if not altogether forbidden.
And you will never, ever hear the rich talk about their illnesses or medical problems!
As every human being has their own ailments, not only is this the most boring conversation known to mankind -- but among the rich, any mention of ill health can collapse fortunes, frighten investors and possibly bring about social ostracism!
Having said that, they have no problem at all talking about their nips and tucks: "Who did it? Where? How long was your recovery?"
And one final thought: you rarely hear politics discussed, unless it is absolutely certain that everyone in the room is of like mind! (Debate is simply not an option at social functions! )
Hope this was fun to read!
Rich people are in a world all unto themselves!!!
Good night,
Andrew
Ha!
I love this question!
And they do talk about the damnedest things!
A few juicy items I've overheard at cocktail parties:
- How much longer they have to live, according to their actuaries. Ha!
- Who's the best lawyer in town to break a prenuptial agreement?
- "Is their runway long enough for a weekend visit?"
- "Is that from Cartier's? Or did you find it in a taxi?"
In general, however, conversations among the rich (whether at intimate cocktail parties or huge events) are seemingly limited to trivial topics: the weather, wines, cigars, the best caterer in town, hors d' hoeuvre recipes -- and non-stop, profuse compliments upon their evening's attire, hair styles and the selected jewelry for the evening.
One of the funniest conversations I ever heard was when the Missus, during a late-afternoon cocktail party, escorted our local Grand Dame out onto the terrace.
(It was autumn, and fall colors were at their peak -- reds, pinks, purple, yellow and gold! Absolutely beautiful!)
Said the slightly inebriated Grand Dame, "Your grounds are lovely, my dear. Who does your trees?"
Now, you will rarely hear rich people talk about their money, or their success. In fact, using a cocktail party or event to network (such as handing out a business card) is frowned upon, if not altogether forbidden.
And you will never, ever hear the rich talk about their illnesses or medical problems!
As every human being has their own ailments, not only is this the most boring conversation known to mankind -- but among the rich, any mention of ill health can collapse fortunes, frighten investors and possibly bring about social ostracism!
Having said that, they have no problem at all talking about their nips and tucks: "Who did it? Where? How long was your recovery?"
And one final thought: you rarely hear politics discussed, unless it is absolutely certain that everyone in the room is of like mind! (Debate is simply not an option at social functions! )
Hope this was fun to read!
Rich people are in a world all unto themselves!!!
Good night,
Andrew
Thursday, March 15, 2012
The Ides of March! Seriously Brutal Politics!
_______________________________________
I think I'm permanently scarred by school-boy studies of what happened on this very day -- the fifteenth of March -- to the Emperor of ancient Rome!
This is an election year in America, and we're all suffering and complaining about how long, brutal and negative the whole affair has become. Right?
But 2,056 years ago on this very day, Julius Caesar was murdered in the Roman Senate -- stabbed twenty-three times!
Now, talk about brutal politics!!! omg!
(By the way, in terms of etymology, we get the modern English words "brute" and "brutal" from Marcus Junius Brutus -- the leader of the conspiracy to stab Caesar to death!)
So when we talk about a "do nothing" congress -- let's don't push them too far! Ha!
My billionaire employers are forever entertaining Congressmen and Senators here at the house. And it's my job as Butler to receive them at the front door.
But honestly, unlike most guests who come to this house, I can't help but regard these politicians with a certain degree of caution.
Whether it stems from the never-ending silliness going on in Washington, or student memories of what happened to Caesar, I don't know. Ha!
I absolutely deny being a social snob! (Well, maybe.)
But I do agree that we should look upon our politicians with at least a slight degree of skepticism -- and that's something we Americans are really good at!
It helps keep us safe, and free. And combined with the twenty-four hour cable news channels, it adds another element to "checks and balances" our founding fathers could not have imagined.
Thanks for stopping by tonight, on this odious Ides of March. ("Idus" in the original Latin.)
Good night,
Andrew
I think I'm permanently scarred by school-boy studies of what happened on this very day -- the fifteenth of March -- to the Emperor of ancient Rome!
This is an election year in America, and we're all suffering and complaining about how long, brutal and negative the whole affair has become. Right?
But 2,056 years ago on this very day, Julius Caesar was murdered in the Roman Senate -- stabbed twenty-three times!
Now, talk about brutal politics!!! omg!
(By the way, in terms of etymology, we get the modern English words "brute" and "brutal" from Marcus Junius Brutus -- the leader of the conspiracy to stab Caesar to death!)
So when we talk about a "do nothing" congress -- let's don't push them too far! Ha!
My billionaire employers are forever entertaining Congressmen and Senators here at the house. And it's my job as Butler to receive them at the front door.
But honestly, unlike most guests who come to this house, I can't help but regard these politicians with a certain degree of caution.
Whether it stems from the never-ending silliness going on in Washington, or student memories of what happened to Caesar, I don't know. Ha!
I absolutely deny being a social snob! (Well, maybe.)
But I do agree that we should look upon our politicians with at least a slight degree of skepticism -- and that's something we Americans are really good at!
It helps keep us safe, and free. And combined with the twenty-four hour cable news channels, it adds another element to "checks and balances" our founding fathers could not have imagined.
Thanks for stopping by tonight, on this odious Ides of March. ("Idus" in the original Latin.)
Good night,
Andrew
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Daylight Saving Time -- and Sleep Deprivation!
_______________________________________
Oh no!
It's that time of year again to set all our clocks forward tonight!
Wall clocks, bedside alarms, watches, car radios -- and don't forget the microwave oven.
But as the Butler here in a 22,000 square/foot house, I'm happy to say there's not all that many clocks in this house!
Certainly not in the Master Bedroom, nor any of the seven Guest Rooms!
(After all, rich people don't have to set alarm clocks. Ha!)
But for all of us who do need to reset our clocks -- that means we lose an hour of sleep tonight, don't we?
Well, ouch!
If you don't work on Sundays, then you can blow off going to church -- or watching the Sunday-morning talk shows -- and go ahead and get your normal sleep.
But for all of us who do work on Sundays -- hospitals, nursing homes, airports, bus stations, truck drivers, police and fire departments, gasoline stations, restaurants and malls -- the loss of an hour's sleep is painful!
We'll all show up for work in a state of complete sleep deprivation! Right?
And whether you get to sleep late on Sunday or not, all of us will be stumbling around for the next few days -- tyring to adjust our body clocks to the new artificial time.
I don't know about you, but I absolutely hate Daylight Saving Time!
The sun needs to go down when it's supposed to -- not when we say it can! Ha!
Thanks for reading tonight.
And don't forget to set your clocks forward!
Good (short) night!
Andrew
.
Oh no!
It's that time of year again to set all our clocks forward tonight!
Wall clocks, bedside alarms, watches, car radios -- and don't forget the microwave oven.
But as the Butler here in a 22,000 square/foot house, I'm happy to say there's not all that many clocks in this house!
Certainly not in the Master Bedroom, nor any of the seven Guest Rooms!
(After all, rich people don't have to set alarm clocks. Ha!)
But for all of us who do need to reset our clocks -- that means we lose an hour of sleep tonight, don't we?
Well, ouch!
If you don't work on Sundays, then you can blow off going to church -- or watching the Sunday-morning talk shows -- and go ahead and get your normal sleep.
But for all of us who do work on Sundays -- hospitals, nursing homes, airports, bus stations, truck drivers, police and fire departments, gasoline stations, restaurants and malls -- the loss of an hour's sleep is painful!
We'll all show up for work in a state of complete sleep deprivation! Right?
And whether you get to sleep late on Sunday or not, all of us will be stumbling around for the next few days -- tyring to adjust our body clocks to the new artificial time.
I don't know about you, but I absolutely hate Daylight Saving Time!
The sun needs to go down when it's supposed to -- not when we say it can! Ha!
Thanks for reading tonight.
And don't forget to set your clocks forward!
Good (short) night!
Andrew
.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Vivaldi at Tea Time! What?
____________________________________________
As the Butler here in a billionaire's house, I got the shock of my life today and came very near having a stroke!
You may recall I've mentioned that the Missus, even though she's British, doesn't really care for afternoon teas. ("It's silly to have all that caffeine so close to the cocktail hour", she once told me. Ha!)
But this afternoon she was forced into having several ladies over for tea time -- to discuss an upcoming charity event. And she asked me to "Put on some Vivaldi concertos while they're here."
And that was when the stroke symptoms began! Blurred vision! Light-headed dizziness! Weakness at the knees!
Ask anyone in Europe and they'll tell you that Vivaldi's baroque, light-hearted concertos (and there are hundreds of them), are relegated almost exclusively to breakfast music!
And the other thing about Vivaldi is -- all his concertos sound the same!
Honest to God, you can't tell one from another!
I think it was Stravinsky who said, "Vivaldi didn't write five-hundred concertos -- he wrote one concerto five hundred times!"
Ha!
In any case, I suddenly had the thought that the Missus requested Vivaldi in order to agitate her guests -- and get them out of the house as quickly as possible! (And with that hopeful thought in mind, the stroke symptoms began to subside!)
I also realized I wouldn't need to locate four or five Vivaldi albums for the CD player. After all, since no one could tell the difference -- I only had to put in one and hit the "Repeat" button! Ha!
(Was that mean?)
Before I'm assigned by music lovers as just another Vivaldi hater (and before the hate mail starts to come in), I'd just like to say that Vivaldi's "Four Seasons" are truly remarkable! As I'm sure everyone agrees!
But here's a YouTube link to a Vivaldi concerto. Decide for yourself whether you'd want to hear this in the mornings, to brighten the day -- or in the late afternoons and evenings, when we want to relax.
Hope this wasn't too wacky!
But seriously, too much Vivaldi is not a good thing!
Thanks for stopping by tonight!
Andrew
As the Butler here in a billionaire's house, I got the shock of my life today and came very near having a stroke!
You may recall I've mentioned that the Missus, even though she's British, doesn't really care for afternoon teas. ("It's silly to have all that caffeine so close to the cocktail hour", she once told me. Ha!)
But this afternoon she was forced into having several ladies over for tea time -- to discuss an upcoming charity event. And she asked me to "Put on some Vivaldi concertos while they're here."
And that was when the stroke symptoms began! Blurred vision! Light-headed dizziness! Weakness at the knees!
Ask anyone in Europe and they'll tell you that Vivaldi's baroque, light-hearted concertos (and there are hundreds of them), are relegated almost exclusively to breakfast music!
And the other thing about Vivaldi is -- all his concertos sound the same!
Honest to God, you can't tell one from another!
I think it was Stravinsky who said, "Vivaldi didn't write five-hundred concertos -- he wrote one concerto five hundred times!"
Ha!
In any case, I suddenly had the thought that the Missus requested Vivaldi in order to agitate her guests -- and get them out of the house as quickly as possible! (And with that hopeful thought in mind, the stroke symptoms began to subside!)
I also realized I wouldn't need to locate four or five Vivaldi albums for the CD player. After all, since no one could tell the difference -- I only had to put in one and hit the "Repeat" button! Ha!
(Was that mean?)
Before I'm assigned by music lovers as just another Vivaldi hater (and before the hate mail starts to come in), I'd just like to say that Vivaldi's "Four Seasons" are truly remarkable! As I'm sure everyone agrees!
But here's a YouTube link to a Vivaldi concerto. Decide for yourself whether you'd want to hear this in the mornings, to brighten the day -- or in the late afternoons and evenings, when we want to relax.
Hope this wasn't too wacky!
But seriously, too much Vivaldi is not a good thing!
Thanks for stopping by tonight!
Andrew
Friday, March 2, 2012
The Spring Social Season!
______________________________________
March is finally here! And the promise of spring is less than three weeks away!
With the frigid months behind us, my rich employers are coming out of their winter hibernation (like all the rest of us), and already the pace is starting to pick up around here!
This week alone we have three small cocktail parties in the works, and in mid March we'll have our first fund raiser for the Spring Social Season.
(And with the economy the way it's been for the past few years, it seems the need for fund raising has increased right along.)
Remember when I told you last September about rich people and all the charities they get involved with? Whether it's heart felt or merely strategic, fund raising is an obligatory part of being a member of high society.
And my employers are deeply involved, which keeps things here in constant motion!
But for this first spring event coming up, a fund raiser for neglected children, we're just lending out the house for someone else's event. (Which is most certainly a legitimate way of contributing.) And on such occasions, my employers also contribute the flowers and wine -- unless it's for a politician! It's BYOB for them. ha!
So my involvement in all this is limited. The charity itself will organize everything; the caterers, the tent rental and cocktail tables, the audio-visual, and all the waiters, bartenders, valet parkers and security that's needed.
For us, it's fun to watch all this unfold without the stress of having to put it altogether. (And all the things that go wrong can't be blamed on me!)
I hope you've survived the harshness and isolation of winter!
Thanks for stopping by tonight.
And HAPPY SPRING!
Andrew
March is finally here! And the promise of spring is less than three weeks away!
With the frigid months behind us, my rich employers are coming out of their winter hibernation (like all the rest of us), and already the pace is starting to pick up around here!
This week alone we have three small cocktail parties in the works, and in mid March we'll have our first fund raiser for the Spring Social Season.
(And with the economy the way it's been for the past few years, it seems the need for fund raising has increased right along.)
Remember when I told you last September about rich people and all the charities they get involved with? Whether it's heart felt or merely strategic, fund raising is an obligatory part of being a member of high society.
And my employers are deeply involved, which keeps things here in constant motion!
But for this first spring event coming up, a fund raiser for neglected children, we're just lending out the house for someone else's event. (Which is most certainly a legitimate way of contributing.) And on such occasions, my employers also contribute the flowers and wine -- unless it's for a politician! It's BYOB for them. ha!
So my involvement in all this is limited. The charity itself will organize everything; the caterers, the tent rental and cocktail tables, the audio-visual, and all the waiters, bartenders, valet parkers and security that's needed.
For us, it's fun to watch all this unfold without the stress of having to put it altogether. (And all the things that go wrong can't be blamed on me!)
I hope you've survived the harshness and isolation of winter!
Thanks for stopping by tonight.
And HAPPY SPRING!
Andrew
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