Thursday, September 22, 2016

Happy Autumn 2016!

After our long awaited summer vacations, leisurely trips to the beach and backyard cookouts with family and friends, it's time to put the suntan lotion aside I guess, buck up, and get ready for autumn. What's about to hit us is not unlike a tsunami!

It's a crazy busy time of year for everyone; football games and tail-gate parties, Halloween coming up next month, followed quite rapidly by Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, and New Year's celebrations! Which involves all kinds of running around, making preparations, and bracing ourselves for the flood of friends and family popping in and out - some of whom don't pop out quite as quickly as they pop in, do they?

For the rich, in addition to all this madness it's also the high social season for charity balls, fund raising events, and grand galas just to celebrate their wealth together and show off their latest haute couture, diamonds and fancy new cars - all squeezed into the already busy holiday calendar. But unlike most of us, the rich have a cadre of helpers to handle the work load; Personal Assistants, Personal Shoppers, Party Planners, caterers, and of course their own house staff and chauffeurs to tie up all the loose ends.

For those of us in service to the rich, this time of year is up there with the most maximum stress God ever created for an employee. I'm in this category of course, and basically regard myself as an errand boy throughout the whole season. But I'll also have to say it's the most fun and challenging time of the year, stressing our social and creative skills along with our patience. I both dread it and look forward to it, and the knot in my stomach starts to tighten up along about now, the first day of autumn.

This year however (and I just found this out today) my employer will be away for almost the entire month of December! What?

My spy confidant at the office told me the old man and some of his cronies are doing the grand tour of London, Paris, and Rome, plus a two-week luxury river cruise throughout the Continent! Absolutely awesome! Cracking a bottle of champagne as we speak!

No cocktail parties, no charity events, no pompous inflated egos showing up during December? Amazing! But best of all, she told me not to bother with the annual Christmas party for the office staff this year - which is as boring to them as it is to me and all the house staff here. She said that instead of coming here she'll book us into a high-dollar restaurant one evening in December - on the old man's ticket of course, Yes!

Of course we still have greeting cards to get out. But I already started that process back in the summer with our card designer. In early October I'll be delivering them to the calligrapher for addressing - although the office hasn't sent me a finalized list yet. Whatever it is, it's greatly diminished in number since the frazzling divorce a couple of years back.

It's also my task to send out gifts to our most vital contractors, and to our hateful neighbors. But this is easily dismissed by calling up our trusted liaison at Harry and David. Specializing in professional gifts, they have food and wine baskets in a wide range of prices, and therefore suggestive of  the value placed on the recipient. Our contractors will get the full treatment, but I'm afraid to say our dreadful neighbors will get one step above bupkis. In any case, you can't go wrong with these guys. Just tell them what you want to spend, give them an address, and that's that.

Needless to say the house staff and I are ecstatic about Christmas this year! There'll by lots of time off for them of course, and chef will probably go off on a month-long binge. I'll still have house sitting / dog sitting to do of course, but to be free of my cranky old employer allows plenty of time to sleep in every day - and for family and friends to pile into the guest rooms.

As I'm writing this I realize it's only September, right? But I'm thinking Christmas is already lurking in the back of our minds, whether we want to admit it or not.

Thanks for dropping in this evening, and Happy Autumn!



  1. We'll miss catering your parties this year, but glad you have a break! Still laughing about your neighbors...

    1. Thanks Lydia! But I heard there might be something coming up for New Year's, so stay tuned. Will text you the minute I hear. Andrew

  2. Andrew, who is Your nfl team you cheer on this time of year ? Chris

    1. I'm partial to the Patriots. And you?

    2. Andrew, ahhh, you like Evil Little Bill ehh? Broncos fan here. Chris

  3. Apparently I missed the post about what's going on with the neighbors, will have to backtrack.

    The last time he went away and left you to your own devices, I suggested that you paint half your face blue and run around yelling FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!! as if you're Mel Gibson in Braveheart. You didn't take me up on it last time, might you do it this time? Now there's a photo that's guaranteed to go viral.

    1. Hi Stacy, thanks for the suggestion but I think I'll wait for the blue face until the day I actually walk out of here in a huff! :)

      But crap, as for your second comment on "Do Billionaires Have Morals" I accidentally hit the Delete button instead of Publish! I regret that, as it was so fun to read and I wanted other readers to see it. If you have a copy, is it asking too much to repost?

      Hope you have a nice Thanksgiving!