Christmas Gifts for the Rich: The Orient Express!

In September I mentioned a few items that might be great gifts for the super rich. It's really hard to buy for them, you know? Considering they already have everything under the sun, right?

But thanks to our Twitter pal Jim Kendall (luxury real-estate mogul in Boston) it occurs to me that the gift of travel could be entirely unique and well received by our rich friends - if presented carefully and in the right way. Who doesn't love to get out of town and do something different, right?

For example, how about open tickets (meaning 'at your convenience' ) for a ten-day holiday on a luxury Mediterranean cruise ship? (Which is generally under $50,000 per couple.)

And then, how about open reservations for a six-day revitalization visit to the luxury spa Clinique La Prairie in Switzerland? Who wouldn't appreciate that? (About $33,000 per person, or $66,000 per couple.)

Or perhaps open tickets for the three-room apartments on the UAE's luxury airline Ethiad Air -complete with a private shower before landing? (A round-trip ticket from New York to Mumbai, for example, would be roughly $76,000 per couple.)

But Jim was talking about something new altogether. It seems the renowned Orient Express, serving the rich and famous since 1883, is upgrading some cars to accommodate the current new breed of super rich - who are always looking for new thrills and adventures. In it's long 135 year history the train has not only been known for luxury but also mystery and intrigue - as in Agatha Christie's book and film Murder On the Orient Express.

Like many other children, my father bought me a miniature train set when I was a child and I've been hooked on train travel ever since. As a family we took trains all across America and Canada, with sleeping cars, an observation car, and a dining room with linens and crystal wine glasses on the table. All so awesome! And then in later years as a poor back-packing student traveling in Europe, cheap passenger trains were always the transportation of choice. Not just for the scenic beauty but also the wonderful people you meet along the journey.

One summer in Istanbul I went to the train station to check out the Destination Board, trying to decide where to go to next. To my excitement the Orient Express was pulling into the station at that very same time! At least twice I walked the entire length of the train on the platform, peering into windows and watching the well-heeled passengers depart - summonsing porters to pick up their Louis Vuitton luggage and steamer trunks. Just so elegant and mind boggling!

But now getting back to the subject, here's a link to the newly added suites for the super rich on the Orient Express. At a mere $7,000 per night per person, you can easily see why this would be a great gift for your best rich friends. That's only about $200,000 for a couple to have a two-week trip, right? Perfect for a honeymoon or anniversary celebration, as well as other such reckless events.  Conde Nast Traveler

I hope this has been somewhat helpful in making gift decisions this year?  Or what?

As always, thanks for dropping in this evening,
Andrew

Do Rich People Order Pizza?

This inquiry comes to us from Stacy who asked if rich people order pizza and Chinese food like all the rest of us. Her question is not so much about appetite and nutrition but framed within the context of security. Which is to say who is and who is not allowed onto the property? Anyone, everyone, even Pizza delivery guys?

While the rich might have their own chefs and kitchen staff, maybe even a brick pizza oven to boot, it's still fun to order Chinese or a couple of pizzas on a whim, right? As mentioned before, I can't answer for all the rich, especially with their varying levels of threats and security needs. But I do have some info and observations on the subject:

- If extreme wealth, royalty, leadership positions or merely fame has put you at high risk requiring 24/7 security (possibly even bodyguards) then your pizza will be dropped off at the guard station by the main gate, or with security personnel at the front door. No problem.

- If you live in a luxury high rise your pizza will be delivered to the Concierge desk and sent upstairs by a Messenger or Bellman. No problem there, either.

- If you're staying in a five-star hotel with a world class restaurant, you still might fancy a pizza in the privacy of your own room. So you call the Concierge to order it for you. Adding a handsome tip for the driver, she pays for it with cash from the Front Desk, which is simply added to your room bill. She gives the cash to the Doorman who pays the driver and then brings the stupid pizza inside to the Concierge - and it's sent upstairs by a Bellman. In a hotel of this stature it's not uncommon for the rich to tip the Bellman $50 or $100 bucks to cover not only his aggravation and extreme labor, but also that of the Doorman and Concierge as well.

- For the ordinary private rich however, things are more simple and we can order takeout with little fuss or fanfare. Mercifully this is not a paranoid household where I work, with no need for high security. But here's the sequence of events around here if our employer suddenly decides he wants a pizza for himself or his guests:

- He'll annoy me or someone on the evening shift to order it.
- We call it in to the pizza shop and give them the community gate code. Payment is made with the household credit card at the time of ordering, with a generous tip already added.
- When the delivery guy* gets to the second gate, there's a call button on the keypad which we can answer inside and open the gate by remote control.

So to fully answer your question Stacy, yes we do order pizza and Chinese. While all the delivery guys, contractors and vendors may have their iPhone cameras as you worried and knowledge of the layout, they can't miss the security cameras aimed directly at the driveway or the guard dogs running and yelping alongside their cars. And how could they know about the loaded guns inside the house, or mine for that matter?

Thanks for dropping in,
Andrew

* Our pizza delivery guy is a 170 pound female with a butch haircut, a chain belt and a big set of keys dangling from her hip. She's adorable and always full of gossip about what's going on in the neighborhood - who's having a party, who had to call EMS last week, who's car was seen sitting overnight at who's house? Sometimes I want to order a pizza myself just to catch up.
    

Gossip in the World of the Rich!

You know, I'm beginning to love our new Pope Francis, as many of us are whether we're Catholic or not. He's a breath of fresh air and gives real hope to the poor and suffering, not to mention a modernized although carefully-nuanced vision for the church.

But out of the blue last month, just a couple of weeks before Christmas, Pope Francis made a statement that came down hard on gossip! Oops! As you can see this admonishment cuts way to close to home. What am I to do? Shut down the blog?

I'm assuming this is based on number nine of the Big Ten - that business about "not bearing false witness against thy neighbor". But honestly, if Moses could have known how dreadful our neighbors are in this part of town he might have left some loopholes in this one.

Taking it all into consideration I do have a few thoughts on the subject I'd like to share. First and foremost is the simple fact that the biggest gossip mill on the face of this entire planet is within the Vatican itself, and everybody knows it! So give me a break.

Second, because of this castigation there could be a massive loss of work for newspapers, tabloids, magazines, films, TV shows, news programs, gossip columnists, bloggers and paparazzi. (i.e. How many employees and freelancers are employed by People Magazine?) 

Third, gossip is one of many tried-and-true forms of social bonding. It's the '"Us against them'" factor and how we sometimes distinguish ourselves into groups and cliques.

And last, what might be thought of as gossip to some might be considered urgent information to others - especially in the world of the super rich where gossip can be vital. Not just about fashion, jewelry, what's in, what's out, who's on top and who's on bottom - but there's big money at stake in their relationships. (e.g. Would it be wise to invest with someone whose wife at the moment is suing him for half his fortune?) I believe it was Sir Francis Bacon who first said "Knowledge is power". And power is something rich people love for sure.

Having said all that, I'm not really certain if I've made a convincing argument to either you or the Vatican this evening, and I may have to address this again with St. Peter someday when I'm knocking on the gates. If he does let me in, I certainly hope that none of our neighbors will be up there. Although I can't imagine for a minute that they would be.

Thanks for dropping in this evening.

Andrew

Christmas Cards for the Rich!

Have you started your holiday greeting cards yet? I know it's only mid November, but with so much to do for the holidays it's best to get started on the greeting cards right away.

In the world of the rich greeting cards are not optional. In fact they're mandatory, and Hallmark cards aren't going to cut it. (Sorry Hallmark, no offense intended whatsoever.)

In early September I ordered the necessary number of personalized greeting cards my rich employer requires, and in October delivered them to our calligrapher for addressing the envelopes. In fact, she'll have them ready by the end of this week - plenty of time for my dotty old employer to add his signature or personal hand-written words, as he so desires.

I know there are beautiful cards out there in every elegant department store and boutique, with designs by the best of artists. But around here we always resort to Crane and Company - makers of fine stationary for the rich, and the very paper our United States dollars are printed on.

From this company you can get a nice box of 100 personalized greeting cards (including your own inside message and choice of fonts and colors) for easily under $500 dollars. In fact, the more cards you order, the lower the price per card. They also have pre-made cards that drops the price considerably, almost down to Hallmark prices. But at least you'll still have the Crane & Company insignia.

The thing is, social correspondence for the rich is a deadly serious business. If you have time for further reading on the subject, several months back I wrote four different posts about the importance of hand-written communications in the world of the rich.

RSVP, Invitations, and Regrets;
Thank You Notes;
Stationery for the Rich;
Calligraphy for the Rich.

I hope this hasn't been too long or overbearing, but if you wait 'til the last minute to do your greeting cards then the whole attempt might become more of a chore rather than the pleasure it should be in reaching out to say "Hello" to our friends and loved ones at this special time of year.

Thanks for dropping in this evening,

Andrew

Credit Cards for the Rich: The American Express Black Card!

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before, but a huge and fun part of my job is running errands for my rich employers. Whenever the Missus sends me out on one of these assignments (especially if it's to Neiman's) she usually hands me her American Express card - the Black Card.

The first thing you notice about this peculiar card is that it's really, really heavy, compared to all the light-weight cards we carry around in our wallets. The second thing is it's really, really thick - to the point I worry if it will actually slide through anyone's credit card reader.

Even though I might be unshaven and dressed in old jeans and t-shirt, I can't help but notice the lifted eyebrows and attitude adjustment when I take out the Black Card and hand it to a clerk at Bergdorf's or Saks Fifth Avenue.

I'd heard whispering and rumors about the Am Ex Black Card for years of course, but wasn't sure if it truly existed or not. You see, it's not advertised and in the past it's not something you could apply for -  it was by invitation only from American Express to big spenders on their traditional Green Card.

Nowadays the rules may have changed, but it's fairly out in the open this prestigious card really does exist - although the membership, both domestic and international, is reportedly quiet small.

While information about the members and the requirements to carry the card is still rather secretive, from what I can gather you must spend at least a quarter-of-a-million dollars a year on the card ($250,000) to remain a member - and there's an annual fee of $2,500.

But what's that to a billionaire?

As we all know, prestige in the world of the rich seems to be highly important. While dignity, honor and respect are harder to come by, prestige is still one of those commodities that money can easily and always buy.

Thanks for dropping in this evening.

Andrew

What is Champagne?

With all the holidays upon us, sparkling wine is flying off the store shelves as fast as it can be stocked. The champagne days are here again.

While most of us bring out the bubbly only during the holidays and other happy occasions such as birthdays, Bon Voyage parties and job promotions, some even open a bottle during more questionable events such as engagement announcements and weddings. 

Still others, like my rich employers, will pop a cork at the drop of a hat - reunions with old friends, reunions with new friends, a champagne luncheon,  even after a hard day of shopping. Any time in their estimattion is the proper time for champagne. Here are some wonderful quotes on the subject, supplied to us by Miss Helen.

Madame Lily Bollinger:  "I only drink champagne when I'm happy and when I'm sad. Sometimes I drink it when I'm alone. When I have company I consider it obligatory. I trifle with it if I'm not in a hurry, and drink it when I am. Otherwise, I never touch the stuff, unless I'm thirsty."

Bette Davis:  "There comes a time in every woman's life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne."

Miss Helen's response to Miss Davis: "I would amend that to say a bottle of champagne!"

So what is champagne anyhow? The short answer is that it's just a wine or a blend of up to three wines that requires a secondary fermentation in each individual bottle. It's the on-going fermentation within the bottle that creates all the bubbles (some 50,000,000 per bottle) which in turn creates the dazzling sparkle in a champagne glass. And it's the enormous pressure (90 PSI in the bottle compared to 32 PSI in a car tire) that makes the cork pop out with such force.

The invention required special bottles of course (the thanks going to British glass makers in the mid 1600's) that can withstand the pressure, and special wired-down corks that wouldn't pop out during the final fermentation process.

The generic name for wines produced in this way is Sparkling Wine. The label Champagne however is both reserved and legally protected by international treaties (the Treaty of Madrid in 1891 and reaffirmed after World War I by the Treaty of Versailles) and should be applied only to sparkling wines produced in the Champagne region of France.  

Thus wines produced anywhere else in the very same way (Cava in Spain and Spumante in Italy, for example) cannot be labeled champagne. In America it's usually labeled Sparkling Wine by most vineyards. But in speech it's perfectly ok to refer to all these sparkling wines as champagne, even the inexpensive varieties in the supermarket. We all do that, right?

By the way, many sparkling wines are rather sweet due to a small amount of sugar added to increase the fermentation within the bottle. But in the last century a dryer and more popular version without the extra sugar became available, referred to as Brut on the label. So if sweet champagne gives you a headache and hangover, you'd be better off with brut.
 
While really great champagnes can range from $2,000 to $20,000 per bottle, for large parties my employers usually stick to more modestly priced Bollingers and Krugs in the $500-$750 per-bottle range.

However, for regular people we can find a decent Krug in the fifty to seventy-five dollar range. Moet and Chandon even has a respectable non-vintage brut sold in supermarkets in the twenty dollar range. (In college we used to drink cheap Andre in the five or six dollar range - and boy, talk about a headache!)

While there's a popular myth that Dom Perignon (a French Benedictine monk in the sixteenth century) invented champagne, it's simply not so. What he did was tinker with the blends and ultimate taste, making him a master wine maker in the field of sparkling wines. But the process of making champagne was developed long before he arrived on the scene.

Well, this has been way too long, but it's that time of year again when champagne is called for. Hope you enjoy it, and thanks for stopping by this evening.

Andrew

Holiday Preparations: Quiet Before the Storm!

So here we are in mid October and things are relatively calm. But there's a tidal wave of events about to overwhelm us, right? In fact I can already feel the stress building up.

The Social Season is full upon us and there's fund raisers, charity balls and frivolous galas to deal with. The holidays are closing in fast, starting with Halloween and ending with New Year's. We've got Christmas shopping to do and greeting cards to get out. And there's an endless parade of office parties, family events, holiday dinners and all the necessary travel plans involved.

Not to forget it's football season, and there's all kinds of game-watching events and celebrations to prepare for. And this year we can add into the mix all the Presidential Debates and a Presidential Election. So for the next seventy-five days or so we've all got our hands full, don't we?

We have a major fund-raiser coming up in mid November. Save-the-Date notes were sent out last month, and six-hundred invitations will soon be going out. That's a potential of twelve-hundred people. Even with the usual twenty-percent no shows, that's still about 950 guests. Rough stuff, but we've had bigger parties than this.

There's also three minor fund raising events. Two are ladies' luncheons, and one is an afternoon tea. But even these minor events can shake seventy-five to a hundred-thousand dollars out of these ladies in nothing flat.

So I'm taking a deep breath tonight and will try to remain calm and professional throughout the upcoming onslaught. I have terrific backup from the caterers and events planners, and a professional house staff around here that can deal with practically anything. So what's to worry, right?

Thanks for stopping by this evening,

Andrew
   

Home Libraries for the Rich!

I recently received a comment inquiring 'What kind of books do rich people read?' But since every human being whether rich or poor is different in their tastes and interests, there's really no way to give a generalized answer, right? What I can tell you, however, is that rich people have books in their homes, and lots of them.

Most of us have bookshelves, whether we live in a small apartment, a modest home, or a mansion. But it's become fashionable among millionaires and billionaires to have an enormous private home library, with floor to ceiling shelves filled with thousands of books. Just check this Google Image link to see exactly what I'm talking about here.

These home libraries are certainly grand and beautiful to the eye. However, unless they're in the home of a professor or scholar, they don't really make sense, do they? Aside from using books as decorations, they are meant for one thing - to impress someone. They make the statement "We are respectable, grounded, intelligent, thoughtful, inquisitive and decidedly well read!" 

But not necessarily true. These libraries are not a life-long collection of seriously-studied books that shape the owners' souls.They are created by interior designers who purchase the books by the yard to fill the empty shelves in these empty-headed rooms.

The upper shelves always have extensive collections of matching, color-coordinated encyclopedias, law books and such. Then lower down, there are yards and yards of exquisitely bound books on any topic under the sun. But on the eye-level shelves, the books are generally supposed to reflect the owners' real interests in life - hunting, traveling, music, pre-Colombian art, whatever. But the thing is, these shelves can easily be manipulated to impress people with embellished interests beyond the owners' true experience and exposure.

If you've been reading this blog for very long I think you'll agree that I'm not too often critical of the rich. But these phony libraries really get my goat. They are in fact a graveyard for books - never touched, never pulled out, never read. And they rarely provide a true glimpse into the owners' souls.

In the house where I currently work there is indeed one of these designer showroom libraries. But I'm relieved to tell you that upstairs in the private living quarters there are also floor-to-ceiling shelves carelessly crammed with books that are actually read. You'll find all the latest offerings from the New York Times Bestseller List and titles directly related to my employers' personal interests and business affairs. Non-fiction certainly seems dominant over fiction. And getting closer to an answer for "What do rich people read", in this house you won't find any of the popular genres such as romance novels, murder mysteries, westerns, horror or science fiction.

So I'm going to stick my neck out here, not extrapolating this to all rich people, and say that the reading habits of my current employers are seemingly on the serious side. Which is a good thing, in my opinion, as they present themselves as leaders and pillars of the community..

Thanks for stopping by tonight.

Andrew

   

Cell Phone Manners and the Rich!

I've been asked a lot of questions about how rich people use and relate to their cell phones. So let me spill the beans about how things are around here.

The Missus is apparently attentive to calls and texts and keeps her phone nearby, although she never brings it to the dining table - breakfast, lunch or dinner.

The Mister, on the other hand, is completely lackadaisical about his phone. You would think that with his money and involvements he'd be glued to the phone every minute to keep on top of things, right? But not so. We find his phone lying all around the house, and he doesn't seem to care if he leaves it behind when he goes out and about for hours or even days. In fact I think we, the house staff, are the only ones who ever charge it up. Amazing.

I've had other questions about rich people's cell phone manners, and can certainly share some observations:

At all the cocktail parties, receptions and galas in this house there seems to be a code of ethics among the rich that cell phones are turned off before entering the house. Indeed you rarely, if ever, see a cell phone in someone's hand, much less hear it ring. The exception being doctors, of course. (Although we have no idea if the doctor's call is coming from a suffering patient, or his alone-at-home concubine.)

At political fund raising events we all know that politicians love the sound of their own voice and can go on for a solid hour without taking a breath. And at charity fund raisers there's always a rather boring presentation, often with audio visuals, followed by endless and sometimes tearful testimonies from charity recipients.

These mind-numbing events, both political and charity, are of course designed to make rich people shell out money. Which they do indeed. More to shut these people up than anything else, I'm sure of it. Some guests come just for the cocktails, quickly write out a check and hit the road before the speeches start!

But getting back to the topic, during these dreadful events you never, ever hear a cell phone go off. Maybe they've all read the hysterical article in the Huffington Post listing a set of rules when it comes to cell phone use in a public situation. Here's the link, in case you're wondering if you're deficit in this area.

Thanks for dropping in this evening,

Andrew

Moderation for the Rich!

As the butler here in a billionaire's world, I've often noticed and admired that moderation seems to be the rule of the day around here. Not just for my employers but their guests as well. Apparently it's the way they keep themselves fit and trim, and mentally agile enough to juggle their millions and billions.

By definition moderation just means restraint and avoidance of excess of course, in everything from food, alcohol, tobacco, politics, temper and mood swings - anything we frail human beings are prone to. And there's a lot of debate on the subject:

- Mark Twain said he didn't care for moderation himself, but "It's always been my rule to never smoke while asleep, or refrain from smoking when awake." 

- Oscar Wilde suggested that "Moderation is a fatal thing".

- Plato thought a man of moderation was someone of character and wisdom.

- Aristotle advised to avoid extremes and seek "moderation in all things."

- And Saint Augustine said that "Complete abstinence is easier than moderation."

Obviously, there's several divergent ideas on the subject, to say the least. But it seems to work for the rich. It's a choice of course, but once adopted it seemingly becomes a way of life.

Having tossed this idea around myself for a long time, and to condense the wit and wisdom of people much wiser than me, my own point of view is simply this: Moderation should never be carried to extreme!

Thanks for stopping by tonight,

Andrew

WD-40 to the Rescue!

In Town & Country magazine's November 2011 issue, there's an article entitled At Your Service by Jonathan Reynolds about things a butler should know and do. Mostly it was interesting, but one of those things was about "bowing from the waist as you back out of a room." 

As the bad butler I apparently must be, let me tell you this is NEVER going to happen around here! I don't even bow when I enter the room, much less ass-backward on the way out. This is America after all, not Great Britain. (Which is not say we don't have a lot of Queens, but none of them are actually royalty.)

Anyhow, the article wasn't entirely useless. Christopher Ely (who was once a butler at Buckingham Palace!) mentioned that WD-40 was great for removing lipstick from fabrics. Really?

Around the Missus's vanity mirror there's always makeup and eye shadow droplets in the beige carpet in her boudoir, not to mention lipstick smudges when she accidentally drops the tube.Usually I just call in a professional carpet cleaner now and then to tidy up this area. But I decided to try Mr. Ely's recommendation. And I'm absolutely stunned!

I sprayed the lipstick and the black eye-shadow specks with WD-40, wiped them with a dry cloth - and voila, gone! I've yet to experiment if it works on dinner napkins, pillow cases, and clothing. But what can it hurt to try?

What I also don't know is whether or not this leaves a residue in the carpet like most spot cleaners, which will eventually attract dust and create a brown spot. But who cares? The lipstick is gone, and residues can usually be eliminated with a general carpet cleaning.

Hope this might be of help in situations around your home, and thanks for stopping by tonight,

Andrew

The Social Season in a Billionaire's World!

The long summer months have finally passed, and now the Social Season is upon us once again. As the Butler in a billionaire’s home, this begins the time of year when we all gear up for the non-stop onslaught of parties, galas and other events, and put forth every ounce of energy we can muster to make it all a success.

I've been asked more than once what exactly is the social season, So I'll try to explain. During the summer months of June, July and August no one gives large parties simply because too many prospective guests are away on vacation. Any parties during these months are usually confined to small birthday, wedding, and anniversary gatherings.  

In North America the Social Season begins in mid September and usually ends shortly after New Year’s in January, when deep winter starts to set in. This time frame not only encompasses all the holidays - Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, and New Years—but this is also the season for Charity Balls, huge frivolous galas and those never-ending, absolutely-dreary political fund raising events.

Different countries or regions within a country might define this differently, and actually some cities claim their own specific dates for the Social Season. Here’s an article you might find amusing from "The Reliable Sources" in the Washington Post  (September 27, 2010) about the parties in our nation's capitol entitled "Too Many Parties but Not Enough Fun!"      

I'd just like to mention that the parties during this season are deadly serious in the world of the rich. In fact, "Save the Date” cards are sent out a few weeks or a couple of months before formal invitations are sent out. And as mentioned in a previous post entitled RSVP and Regrets social manners seriously come into play here.

As you might imagine, this is an extremely busy and important time in the lives of the rich, and they go all out. No expense is spared. The preparations for all this is amazingly detailed and absolutely exhausting. But we, the house staff, are all professionals around here and know just what to do, and how and when to do it. 

I should also mention there's a brief spring social season, after the snow melts and before everyone goes away for summer vacations. But it's nothing like the fall season and all the holidays involved.

Thanks for reading stopping by this evening,

Andrew

Calligraphy for Rich People!

In the last few posts about social correspondence for the rich, I've annoyed you with RSVP invitations and Regrets, Thank You notes, and fine stationery for the rich. But now for the last part we have to talk about hand writing styles and Calligraphers.

If you’re blessed with an elegant writing style and can be of help to your employers in this area, this needs to be way up high on your resume. Unfortunately my handwriting is pitiful if not illegible, so I must rely upon the services of a good Calligrapher. And just to let you know, I made this clear in the original interview but my employers didn't seem to mind.

We have a wonderful Calligrapher nearby who will address an envelope or write a Thank You note for a reasonable price. In fact, she does so much work for us that she keeps a supply of our thank-you notes on hand at all times, so all I have to do is call her up with the needed address and inside message.  

When I first took this job and found out it was my prerogative to acquire all the stationery needed, I suggested Park Avenue Standard as a lettering style for this family. They seemed pleased, and we've used it ever sense - not only for stationery and cards but even on hand towels, cocktail napkins and matchbooks.

But there are many wonderful fonts out there besides Park Avenue: Venetian, Balmoral, and Florentine, to name a few. You just have to find one you like, and one that will serve you and your employers well. In fact, for a fee, many fonts can be downloaded and used anytime you wish on your own printer, with your own expensive paper. (But a word of warning; a discerning eye can certainly tell the difference between a downloaded font and one designed by hand.)

It’s not at all hard to find a good Calligrapher in your area. Just Google “Calligraphy in (your city)", wherever you might live. Most of them have websites so you can see their styles and fonts, as well as the embellishments that any good Calligrapher can provide.  

And thanks to Fed Ex and UPS overnight deliveries, you’re not confined to your area alone, not at all.  You want the best Calligrapher possible to suit your needs, no matter where they are.

I hope I've not bored you to death with all this, but social correspondence for the rich is a very serious business. One's social position is always on the line, and sometimes judged by the way one communicates.
    

Thanks for dropping by tonight, 

Andrew

Stationery for the Rich!

We've talked about RSVP to Invitations and Regrets, and just a few days ago I mentioned Thank You notes. But what kind of paper is needed for all this correspondence? There are some definite stationery requirements in this world of the rich, but first I want to get the correct spelling underway:

Stationery (with 'ery') is paper you write on. Stationary (with 'ary') means sitting on the sofa all afternoon, watching a football game. You'd be surprised how many people get this wrong, even by stationery sellers themselves. With that out of the way, now to the subject of what kind of stationery rich people buy and where it can be found. Here's some things you'll want to consider first:

- Paper Content:   Pulp, rag stock, 100% cotton, or blends.

- Paper Weight:    Heavier is generally considered of greater value.

- Paper Color:        White, colored or Ecru.  We choose ecru.

- Watermarks:       This translucent mark will identify a quality manufacturer.

- Printing Style:      Lithography, Thermography, Letterpress or Engraving.

This can become an intensely interesting topic, going all the way back to papyrus in ancient Egypt. And for those who want more in-depth information about paper quality and where to find it locally, I’m going to refer you to the Stationers Guild. Their motto is: “To help discerning buyers locate highly experienced stationers in their neighborhood, and assist them in crafting their personalized stationery.” Here’s the Stationers Guild link.

Now the truth is, as the Guild says, buying stationery is a very personal and tactile experience. You'll want to see, touch and feel the paper, and how it bends and folds. And you can’t do that online, can you? Which is why I’m recommending you start with the Stationers Guild first, to find local outlets. Once you decide upon what you like, then the online descriptions will be understandable and you can order from anywhere, even old-world stationers in Europe.   

But where do I buy stationery for my rich employers, you might ask? Because I already know the touch, feel and texture of what my employers want, I always go online to the renowned Crane & Company, an American paper manufacturer dating to the Revolutionary War.

This company has a world class reputation for fine stationery and engraving, and does in fact manufacturer the paper that is used for US currency. (The fact that the American dollar is so devalued these days should have no reflection upon Crane.)

In this house we always choose (a) 100% cotton, (b) ecru in color, (c) weights ranging from 32 pounds for stationery to 92 pounds for fold-over notes, and (d) as for printing choice, it's always engraved. 

Each one of the above choices means the cost goes up and up and up. Here’s a link to something similar we get from Crane and Company. You'll have to type a number in the "Quantity" box to get an idea of price. The more you order, the lower the cost. But just start with 100. As you can see, it's not difficult to pay around $4.50 per letter or note card, or $450 for a box of one hundred.

So we’re looking at slightly over five dollars here (including stamp) to write one letter to one person by mail. Formal Invitations, of course, cost considerably more. So if you’re sending out a thousand invitations for a Christmas party, this can run into real money.

Thanks for stopping by tonight.

Andrew

"Thank You" Notes and the Rich!

If you’re already among the ranks of High Society or perhaps on the way up, you’re aware of the absolute importance and necessity of hand-written social correspondence - and lots of it.  

I've already mentioned Invitations, RSVP and Regrets. But what about Thank You notes? For any gift you receive and the effort made on your behalf, hand-written Thank You notes are in order, if not mandatory. And there are some definite rules:

1)  The note should be short and not gushy.

2)  You’ll need to state the person’s name.

3)  You must definitely mention the gift by name.

4)  Then explain very briefly why you like or need it. (Lies are entirely acceptable among the rich, as long as they're timely.)
5)  And you'll want to send this note promptly, within a week after the horrible gift was received.

Once you or your personal assistant get the hang of it, this is not difficult at all. Here’s an example:

Dear Mrs. Huffenbitch,
     Thank you so much for the live skunk you gave us for our anniversary. The deer have been destroying our gardens this year, but I'm sure this dreadful odor will correct that in no time. Will see you again soon.

Andrea  and John Richascrap


See how easy that is? As the butler here, one of my seriously important responsibilities is to see to it that any gift that comes through the front door has a name attached, or else there’s hell to pay. I keep some post-it notes nearby just in case. However, most rich people are cognizant of this never-ending ritual and usually attach their own note cards, in full expectation of acknowledgement and reply. 

But still, there are always those scatter-brained guests who barely arrive on time and hand you a bottle of unwrapped brandy at the front door. So be ready for that!

Hope this has been helpful, and thanks for dropping in.

Andrew

Planning a Party the Sally Quinn Way!

In the early part of June there's a fairly large cocktail party coming up. It's a fundraiser for the arts with a hundred and sixty invitations sent out. Considering two people per invitation, that's a potential of over three hundred high-society hobnobs, and even with the normal twenty-percent drop out, that's still a fairly large group.

As the butler in a billionaire's home this is all great fun for me with all the caterers, florists, valet parkers, and security personnel showing up - and I can already feel the pace picking up around here. (It gets really boring without some kind of special event going on.)

But honestly, I couldn't get through a moment of this if it weren't for the advice of Sally Quinn - the famous Washington DC hostess and columnist for the Washington Post. Together with her husband Ben Bradlee (the Executive Editor of the Post), these two could throw a party that's talked about for years to come.

In her book The Party Ms Quinn helps us laugh our way through even the most intense party preparations and unexpected disasters. And her delight in name dropping (from White House residents to opera legend Pavarotti) is amazingly fun to read. She even sites names of other Washington hostesses who's parties were complete flops, and why.

Anyhow, her philosophy is simply that a party is all about having fun.

At one of her events the caterer got the date wrong and she was suddenly without food for her guests! Not ruffled or deterred, she sent out her house staff to buy buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken and mashed potatoes from Colonel Sanders - which she served on her finest china and silver platters. Her guests, she said, just rolled up their sleeves and had a great time. Lesson learned according to Ms Quinn: "The food doesn't have to be fancy, it just has to be good!"

She also didn't consider her party a success unless at least one or two high-society matrons or political dignitaries fell over dead drunk in the floor! So I'm happy to report that in this house we're on the same page and living up to Ms Quinn's high standards. Rarely does an event here go by without someone needing to be carried out and driven home by our chauffeur!

Parties in this house are all about champagne, music, candles, food, flowers and fun - as all parties should be. If you're planning an important event anytime soon, do read Sally Quinn's book. You won't be disappointed!

Hope this was somewhat informative, and thanks for stopping by.

Andrew

Fun With Furs!

This morning the Missus came downstairs carrying three fur coats, all tangled up in a heavy bundle. I knew of course she wanted them put into cold storage for the upcoming summer, so I took them from her and off I went to our local furrier.

Compared to finicky matrons who handle their furs with such delicate care, I've always admired the casual way the Missus treats her coats - as rough and tumble as the minks and leopards themselves in the wilds of nature. The jumble of furs piled next to me there on the car seat consisted of two sables and a lynx - easily approaching a half-million bucks in value, if not more.

While repetition and boredom can be a big part of my job, on this particular errand I was looking forward to the trivial and entirely unnecessary scandal I was about to create. Sure enough when I walked into the exclusive women's salon and headed toward the fur department, heads turned and eyebrows lifted. You see, I was looking a little rugged this morning with a miserable hangover, unshaven, tangled hair, and ratty old Levis to boot. With the irreverent bundle of furs I was carrying, I knew very well I gave the appearance of some strung-out hoodlum trying to hock some goods from a house I'd just knocked off. No proper fur hangers, no "breathable" cloth bags. Just a half mil of exquisite furs, all plopped down there on the counter.

I'm almost afraid to tell you there was a drizzle this morning, and the coats were slightly damp. But so what? You think a mink or a leopard, or a glamorous lady hailing a cab on Park Avenue never got caught out in the rain?

So anyhow, the patrons in the store and the newer clerks looked dismayed as I had expected. But the manager, a wise old dear who knows that furs need not be pampered, was as pleasant as always. I handed her my card and said, "We glazed them last year, so just cleaning and storage." (The Missus doesn't believe in glazing too often - nor do I, for that matter. I can use the ancient technique of cleaning furs with corncobs as good as anybody else. But when given the option, it's always better to let a professional do it, right?

With this unnecessary drama being accomplished, on my way out I paused to thoroughly examine a $20,000 lady's leather jacket, just to aggravate the clerk who had given me such a scowl when I first walked in. I don't know why I'm like this - just a mean streak I guess. But unjustified arrogance always grates on the nerves.

Then having thoroughly annoyed the clerk and my task complete, off I went just in time to catch McDonald's breakfast special - the Sausage Biscuit for $1.00 - back to reality.

Thanks for stopping by tonight.

Andrew

Do Rich People Pee Outside?

Whoa! What a crazy question. But I'll jump in and go along.

As best I can determine, the fun of peeing outside seemingly crosses both socio and economic boundaries. When the Mister and Missus come home late at night, she dashes for the house but the Mister goes directly to his favorite tree.

I was outside one night with the Great Danes and accidentally interrupted him. But he went about his business and mentioned "What an amazing moon we have tonight". Never mind he was drunk and no moon in sight - except maybe his.

Miss Helen and I worked in a five-star hotel once where the general manager would take his young son out to the balcony of his penthouse apartment and teach him how to pee into the bushes below.

But I honestly don't think this is a gender issue at all. In fact, I have some female-gender friends in Colorado, the out-doors type, who can go behind a tree as good as any guy!

As an experienced traveler on four continents, I think America is the only country on earth that forbids peeing outside, with fines and jail at stake. What's that all about? Something to do with our Puritan background, I guess.

In any case, to those asking this hysterical question, I hope the answer's been fun and somewhat informative. I certainly had fun writing it!

Thanks for reading and stopping by tonight,

Andrew

Personal Shopper for a Billionaire!

One of the most fun things about this job is shopping for the house and the family I work for. The fact that they're billionaires is icing on the cake with a seemingly unlimited budget. I was issued a corporate credit card when first hired, and no matter what I spend, the corporation replenishes the account immediately - like having a magic purse.

Normally I can go through several thousand a month just for food, wine, floral arrangements, and household items to keep the place running smoothly. But if there's a major holiday or important cocktail parties in the works, my credit card balance can shoot up into the tens of thousands. 

Like if I need to order a kilogram of Beluga caviar for a large cocktail party, there goes $6,000 or $7,000 right there. (My heart always skips a beat when I hit the "Add to Cart" button - especially if I need two kilograms, in which case I'm near sweating.)

Imagine what it's like to go shopping for this family and buy whatever you wish - the most expensive array of imported cheeses, the choicest cuts of meats, the freshest shrimp and wild Atlantic salmon, fruits, berries, nuts, expensive deli crackers and chocolates - all without so much as glancing at the price.

The Mister is always grumbling about household expenses. One month when my account topped fifty thousand (it was December and there were several cocktail events in the house) he mentioned that "We need to cut back". When I reported this to the Missus who runs the house, she simply replied, "Things are as they are - don't worry about him, I'll take care of it."

I should also mention that if there's a major event involving the events planner, musicians, tents and canopies, caterers, waiters, bartenders, security and valet parkers - that doesn't go through my budget. This kind of party can hit a hundred thousand or more in nothing flat, and is paid for by the corporation.

When I first started working here all this extravagance took my breath away. But I'm way over it now and just hope that after each party there'll be a little left-over Beluga and champagne.

As always, thanks for dropping in this evening,
Andrew