Do Rich People Cause Climate Change?

This ubiquitous question keeps popping up all over the place; are the rich and superrich responsible for climate change? It's become fashionable of course to blame them for everything. With their unlimited wealth to buy anything they wish, and with their jets and luxury yachts to travel whenever and wherever they wish, it seems only logical that they leave a heavier carbon footprint than those of us with less lavish lifestyles, patiently waiting for our once-a-year summer vacations. 

But blindly scapegoating the rich for all our woes seems a little too convenient and hasty, and would suggest that we need to look deeper into their lives and behaviors before casting absolute judgement. To be sure, there's been a great deal of chatter lately about celebrities using their private jets and helicopters to hop around the Los Angeles area, just to avoid the traffic and congestion on the freeways. And who hasn't wised that we could do the same thing from time to time? But a while back Kylie Jenner was labeled a Full Time Climate Criminal on BuzzFeed! 

As climate disasters become more intense and more frequent, threatening the very existence of life on this planet, we find ourselves asking how did we let this happen, how did we get into this mess in the first place? Which is when all the finger pointing and blame games start swinging into high gear.

What we think of as progress can frequently have unforeseen and undesirable consequences. As exciting as the invention of the automobile may have been back in 1908, when Henry Ford first built the Model-T he likely didn't consider the environmental damage of needing to drill for oil as a source of fuel. He probably couldn't have conceived of 145,000 gasoline stations spread across the country, or 48,750 miles of the Interstate Highway system. Nor could he have imagined the massive traffic jams or the 6 million injuries a year resulting in an estimated 46,000 deaths annually from car crashes.  

Likewise the Wright Brothers could not have envisioned what  Flight Aware estimates as 9,000 planes at any given moment circling the globe, polluting both the lower and upper atmospheres! When Covid-19 shut down air travel for a few days, the air began to clear up immediately. People living in India saw Mount Everest in Nepal to the north for the first time in their lives. In the United States the Milky Way became brighter and more visible than it had in decades.  

Plenty of people rightfully want to blame the climate change deniers in the United States congress for preventing attempts to limit the use of fossil fuels. While I would never attempt to defend the indefensible, I would however point out that the problem is global, not just a United States issue. And while it's true that the Republican platform of free markets and limited restrictions can be at odds with Mother Nature, it's hard to imagine that they would want their children and grandchildren growing up on a polluted and increasingly unlivable planet any more than the rest of us. 

So where does that leave us? While the 1% decidedly leave a heavier carbon footprint, the rest of us 99% are not blameless. We love our automobiles and the ability to come and go as we please, and we love to jet off to Europe and exotic destinations around the globe for our summer vacations.

Progress, which usually relies on science, got us into this mess to begin with, and we must hope and pray and rely upon science to get us out. The development of alternative sources of energy and electric cars is a good start. While the prospects for Green Hydrogen didn't work out so well, lately there has been considerable chatter and excitement about White Hydrogen being the solution for  a non-polluting and plentiful source of fuel for the entire world, which we can pray will come true!

The 27th Conference of the Parties To The United Nations Framework Convention On Climate Change (referred to as COP27) has come and gone, and they will keep working in the future. Already there are rumors that John Kerry, the US Presidential Envoy to the conference, has met with his Chinese counter part Xie Zenhua on a few points of agreement between the two largest polluting superpowers before the COP28 conference coming up at the end of the year.

Following his father's life-long concern about the environment, Prince William admirably set up the EarthShot Prize in 2014 for what the BBC describes as "Innovative solutions to the world's greatest environmental challenges".  

And private non-government groups are pitching in as well. For example there was a recent backlash in the United Kingdom about the environmental damage from Beyonce's extravagant world concert tour. It required 6 air freighters and 70 trucks to haul in all the equipment she needed to set up the stage, not leaving out arriving herself in her own private jet.

As a result more that one-hundred-thousand actors in the UK are backing a proposal for a "Green Rider"- an environmentally friendly clause to be written into their contracts between themselves the performers and the film and TV production companies to make shows smaller and greener. 

This is how we get it done. One step at a time, with all of us taking responsibility to stop this dreadful cycle of freezing cold winters, droughts, rising sea levels and coastal flooding, not to mention deadly temperatures in the summers and massive fires all across the globe. As simplistic as this essay may sound, the urgency is real! Recently New York City got a whole month's worth of rain in one day!. Seeing the subways being flooded and cars floating down the avenues in Manhattan was profoundly disturbing! 

The bottom line: we're all in this together - rich and poor, Republicans and Democrats, and it's up to all of us to do something about it. One step at a time, before time runs out.

As always, thank you for reading, 

Andrew

A Billionaire's Christmas 2021

Well, well. Here we are at Christmastime again and it seems like we're in the same place we were two years ago. In 2020 Covid 19 first hit the scene and the whole world just shut down overnight. Airports were closed, schools and businesses closed, sports and entertainment events were shut down, and we were all quarantined in our apartments and homes all over the world. Shortages appeared everywhere - no milk, eggs, or canned goods in the supermarkets, and tissues, paper towels and toilet paper entirely disappeared.

In time we got new directives about hand washing, social distancing and wearing masks, and we slowly began to crawl out from that nightmare. Vaccines were put on the fast track and by the end of 2020 we began to get our first doses of life saving drugs. Long lines everywhere all over the world, but we did it and things began to slowly open up again and we struggled to get back to normal.

Then along came the Delta variant which brought a set back. But since we had learned so much and because so many of us had gotten vaccinated already, it didn't hit us anywhere near as badly as the first go round, and we continued along our path to normalcy. So much so that our pent-up desires for shopping created a shortage of products, and the whole maddening business of supply chain issues popped up.

We had planned a huge holiday gala here at the house with caterers, musicians, valet parkers, the whole nine yards to celebrate our liberation from Covid. When I ordered personalized embossed cocktail napkins and bathroom hand towels, the printer told us he couldn't get his hands on paper products. Okay, fine. I'll just buy generic napkins and towels from a party shop and hope that our guests are too boozed up to notice such a trifle. But when I found out that caviar and some important French champagnes were also in short supply, that's when my head practically exploded! What?  

And now this new Omicron variant comes along and threatens a tsunami of infections, hospitalizations and death, especially among those who have not been vaccinated. Once again schools and universities are moving to online classes, Broadway theaters (even Hamilton) have shut down, and sports events all over the world have been cancelled.

Our gala has been cancelled too of course, but not by us, by the caterer themselves. So we didn't lose a deposit there. But how sad and frustrating is that? We still plan to go ahead with a few cocktail parties, but the guest list has been limited to a few responsible adults whom we assume have gotten their vaccines and booster. 

After her bout with pneumonia and Covid last year, Dame Covington is afraid to go anywhere, and who could blame her? The poor old dear has invited me to a Christmas eve brunch to help her decorate her tree. Which is probably what I'll do. Going to my own family is out of the question this year under this new threat, and I do enjoy Dame Covington's company. She has some wonderful heirloom tree ornaments which I'm looking forward to seeing. Not to mention that her eggnog, spiked with a Louis XIII bottle of brandy from Cognac, France (roughly $3,850 a bottle) is to die for!

None of us knows what's about to hit us in the next few months or the coming new year. Nonetheless I do hope you're planning to have some nice holiday celebrations with family and friends, no matter what. Thanks for stopping by tonight. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

And by all means, stay safe!

Andrew 

 

Happy Holidays 2019!

Ahhh! After all the preparations, shopping, decorating and sheer hard work, the payoff is finally here and the holidays are upon us!

I don't know about you but I'm fairly well exhausted myself. While I'm looking forward as to how it all unfolds, I'm also looking forward to January 2 when it's all finally over and deep, deep winter sets it. A sweet period of rest and respite before the spring social season starts winding up.

Holiday preparations this year have been especially difficult for two reasons. The first being that house renovations (mostly painting and plumbing) have been underway at the same time we've been trying to decorate both the interior and exterior of the house for Christmas, which has been tricky. (Mud tracked through the carpets next to the Christmas tree is not a welcome sight!)

But the other is my employer's new déclassé lady friend who seems like she doesn't know upside from down most of the time. It's not her fault that she's lost in this world of the super rich, and she seems sincere enough in her affections toward my eighty-year-old employer. But her lack of social skills has been maddening. We got through the small Thanksgiving and pre-Christmas cocktail parties without her messing anything up. But suddenly she's decided to throw a soirée of her own to introduce her friends to my employer, right between Christmas and New Year's. And she announced it to me as though I'd take care of everything. But no, no, no!

Her guest list started out at about twenty-five, but swelled to eighty-five when my employer heard about it and decided to add some of his friends as well. Mind you, before my employer's scandalous divorce we've had galas in this house for literally hundreds of people, so eighty-five seems like nothing to me. But this new woman just started to spin around like a child's toy top, as though she had never had to deal with so many guests. To help her out I introduced her to our caterers, and convinced her she needs a bartender and valet parkers. Mercifully this particular time frame is dead for them, so they are able to accommodate her.

But of course with such a late decision she was not able to send out Save-The-Date notices followed by formal invitations to anyone, just phone calls and emails. So her RSVP drop-out rate is a whopping 50%, compared to the usual 20% for a well-planned event. Honestly I'll be surprised if even forty people show up

I hope your holiday preparations have gone more smoothly than mine, and that your drop-out rate is only 20% or even less!

As always, thank you so much for reading and following along this year! Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and all best wishes for a happy and curious New Year!

Andrew 

  

Winter Doldrums in the World of the Rich!

"I'm seeing a lot of new faces in the audience tonight, especially on the old faces." - Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show.

With the spring social season just around the corner, this is the time of year when rich people all over the world begin to trickle home after mysteriously vanishing to Switzerland for a few weeks. While their face lifts and other unmentionable nips and tucks might only take a few hours in surgery, it takes a couple of weeks or more for the healing and bruising to subside. And there are plenty of luxury spas in Switzerland to accommodate this recovery time.

At the end of the month we're hosting a small soirée for several couples who have just returned from their winter "vacations", ready to step back out into high society. Dame Covington is practically giddy in anticipation. Said she, "I wonder if we'll recognize anyone?"

My employer and his new girlfriend did go to a rejuvenation spa in Switzerland, but only for a week. And there are no discernible nips, tucks or bruising that we can tell. Ester, the Upstairs Maid, has a keener eye than I, and she suspects they have opted for Botox treatments this year, rather than plastic surgery. While I've noted some puffiness now and then, I can't really tell the difference between too much alcohol or if they're simply retaining and bloated.

But I'm looking forward to the party and the parade of stretched foreheads, alarmingly wide-open eyes, and the sometimes-permanent smiles that come from too many trips to the fountain of youth. Chef and I both agree that a snappy (if somewhat bitchy) cocktail party is just what we need to get warmed up for the onslaught of the social season - which could be a humdinger this year considering how politically polarized everyone has become in the last couple of years.

To be sure, it will be a welcome relief from a rather dull winter this year. Unlike in years past before the divorce, there were no large galas or other dazzling events, no holidays celebrated here in the house, only a smidgen of small rather-dull cocktail parties now and then - all of which I blame on the obnoxious new girlfriend. But nonetheless, we in the house staff tried to make the best of it.

In the last post I told you about Christmas with Dame Covington, which was utterly charming. Then New Year's came along and turned out to be totally uneventful. Although the new girlfriend said she wanted to have a quiet evening with just a few of her déclassé friends over for cocktails (which I really wasn't looking forward to) they wound up going to one of their private dinner clubs in the city. Which gave me the chance to celebrate the evening with a few déclassé friends of my own.

Then Valentine's Day crept up, like it does on all of us, right? And I really didn't know what to do. I did have the good sense to have our florist fill all the vases in the downstairs with red-rose arrangements. And Chef made sure we had plenty of champagne, chocolates and caviar on hand, just in case.

But again we got a reprieve! They booked rooms at the Plaza Hotel and had dinner at the Oak Room (on the ground floor of the hotel) the night of their arrival. And then the next day they had Valentine's lunch at the Plaza's Palm Court. As cliché as that all may sound, we were delighted to have the evening free! Chef made some chocolate-dipped strawberries for Dame Covington, and she was delighted as well.

I hope you got through all the holidays without undue stress, and that your winter blues have passed smoothly. Spring is just around the corner, with all the hope and renewal that always seems to bring.

As always, thanks for stopping by this evening,

Andrew         

Christmas With Dame Covington!

It seems that Dame Covington has taken full-time sanctuary here ever since her unfortunate incarceration a couple of months back for assault. Other than a small bruise and hurt feelings, her victim sustained no permanent physical damage, has dropped all charges, and no lawsuits have been forthcoming. Yet still the Dame is hiding out here to let the dust settle and regain some modicum of dignity before venturing back out into local high society - and we are so pleased with her delightful company.

Last evening, in fact, she saved a cocktail party from becoming an utter disaster. I mentioned a couple of years ago that I'm not a big fan of Antonio Vivaldi. His Four Seasons composition is pleasant enough. But his concertos (relegated to breakfast music by most civilized people) are just so dingy and repetitive -  totally maddening in my opinion. In fact, composer Igor Stravinsky said, "Vivaldi didn't write four-hundred concertos, he wrote one concerto four hundred times!"

Apparently Dame Covington has a similar opinion, which endears her to me even more. My employer's latest girlfriend (number seven by our count) invited a few of her déclassé friends over for holiday cocktails. The Dame was already downstairs, and just as I setting out the hors d'oeuvres Miss Seven came downstairs and greeted us with charm, if not grace. She went over to the CD player (yes, we still have one of those) and thumbed through the collection of albums, randomly pulling one out and popping it in before her guests arrived.

When it turned out to be Vivaldi concertos, Dame Covington's eyebrows shot up in surprise and she gave me a look of what can only be described as alarm, bordering on panic. And I'm afraid my own expression of shock offered little to relieve her distress. But with finesse, aplomb and well-practiced diplomacy, Dame Covington stood up and began her plan of attack:

Dame: "My dear, I see you're a fan of Vivaldi?"
Seven: "Who?"
Dame: "The composer of these charming concertos."
Seven: "Oh.
Dame: "Have you ever heard his Four Seasons?
Seven: "Not that I recall."
Dame: "Would you do an old lady a kindness and put them on now? They're just so lovely, especially for this time of evening."
Seven: "I'd be delighted, if we have it."

As Miss Seven shuffled through the CD collection to find the requested piece, Dame Covington looked at me with a devilish grin and rolled her eyes. I had to suppress a laugh, but I really wanted to kiss her!

Seven: "Who's this Edit Piaf? There's several of her albums here."
Dame: "Oh, how wonderful. Lets do listen to her!"

And thus the evening was saved! Vivaldi free, as it were. In fact, I'm going to hide his albums up in the attic so we don't have to run into this nightmare again.

With Christmas fast approaching, it seems that my employer and Miss Seven will be spending the holiday in Cabo San Lucas. Not very Christmas-y in my opinion, but at least they'll be out of here for awhile. Which leaves only me, the house staff, the dogs and Dame Covington to celebrate the day together. Chef has generously offered to serve up a Christmas dinner for all of us, and asked the Dame what she prefers.

At her request it seems we'll be having a traditional British meal. Except instead of turkey there will be individual Cornish game hens for each of us, along with stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce. But Chef declined to personally make the Dame's request for a British Christmas Pudding and took it on himself to ask our personal shopper in London to send one over from Harrods - which will be a great gift and treat for all of us!

I asked the Dame if I should set a formal table in the dining room for the event. But she insisted to sit with us at the High Table below stairs where servants have their meals. Now tell me, how classy is that?

I hope you're having a wonderful holiday season and planning a splendid Christmas dinner with family and friends. As always, thank you for reading - not just tonight but for all this year past! Merry Christmas, and a peaceful and Happy New Year!

Andrew

What? Dame Covington Is In Jail!

This evening I got a late-night call from our local Constable to see if I could come and bail Dame Covington out of jail! Seriously? It seems the dear old gal had become belligerent and created a ruckus at a fancy cocktail party here in town. Apparently there was an argument about politics and Covington used her gold-handle cane to trip her opponent - an equally elegant lady of roughly her age who didn't take it well and called the cops!

Of course I jumped out of bed and drove over right away. In my world I always have access to bail money, be it for my crazy old employer himself or for his occasionally unruly guests. But Dame Covington is a special case and I'd use my own money to bounce her out of jail, if need be.

This charming wise old woman has been a friend of my employer's since childhood, elementary school in fact, and was a best friend to his first wife who died some years back. She's like a fixture in this house - always around in the background. She can be found in the library quietly reading a book, down at the pond with parasol in hand watching the swans glide by, or unobtrusively making herself a hard boiled egg in the kitchen. In fact, I'd be worried if I didn't see her around here on a daily basis. For those evenings when she's had a few too many cocktails and can't quite make it home, she even has her own designated bedroom on the second floor, next to the elevator.

Among her multiple marriages, no one seems to know or care where she gained the title Dame along her journey in life. But she has a regal air and carriage which gives her all the respect she deserves. It's rumored that she was once quite rich, but now is almost totally dependent on other people's cocktail buffets for her daily nutrition.

Bless her dear heart, she has all kinds of issues in staying out of jail. The dents and scratches on her ancient Rolls Royce testify to her driving skills. While she doesn't drive on highways anymore, apparently she's a terror on streets here in our little community. Our local cop Michael is very lenient with her, but here's some funny exchanges he's shared with me:

Michael: Did you see that red light, Madam?
Covington: Of course I did young man, but there's so many of those in town - do you expect me to stop at all of them?

Michael: There was a stop sign at that intersection, Dame Covington!
Covington: Yes, but it appeared like more of a suggestion and I wasn't really in the mood.

Covington: Why did you stop me young man, can't you see I'm in a hurry?
Michael: Speed signs are there for a reason!
Covington: Alright then, I'll take it under advisement. May I go now?

I met Dame Covington the first week I worked here, it was in autumn. Upon escorting her and my employer's new wife (both with cocktails in hand) out to the balcony to observe the brilliant fall colors of red, yellow, orange and purple, she said to the new wife, "Your grounds are lovely my dear! Who does your trees?" And I've been in love with her ever since.

After posting bail, she fussed all the way home about the embarrassment and discomforts of being thrown into the clink. But coaxing her with a Hot Toddy I finally got her tucked into bed, up on the second floor. And I'm going back to bed myself, right this minute!

As always, thanks for stopping by this evening, even at this late hour.

Andrew


PS: Her bail was only $50!

My Employer Is Flat Out Crazy!

It's only June but it's already hot as the dickens right now, more like something we'd expect in August! At least the summer solstice arrived this week and our dear planet earth starts to tilt northward again, one slow day at a time until Autumn arrives. I for one can't wait! Cooler temps, football games, and all the crazy holidays headed our way.

I don't know if it's the heat that's affecting both me and my employer but we've been at odds lately. On a huge property like this I'm pretty good at hiding out and conveniently running errands without ever having to come face to face with him. In fact sometimes there's ten-day to two-week stretches when we never see each other at all. But when we do there's nothing but whining, bickering and quarreling about every damned little thing around here:

He: There's a couple of tree lights out in the driveway.
Me: Yes, bulbs do burn out, don't they?
He: When you find the time would you mind changing the batteries in my remote?
Me: Certainly Sir, I've been waiting all day for such a challenge.
He: Why's the TV not working?
Me: Because it's raining and I'm not the one who chose satellite for this house!
He: Are you happy here Andrew?
Me: About what Sir, if I might ask?

The thing is, in my mind the rich have nothing very much to complain about in this life. They have luxurious secure housing, as much gourmet food as they want or need, top-dollar health insurance, vacations, travel - and free time out the wazoo. What else on earth is there to grumble about?

The big rub right now is that he has a new girlfriend - I've lost count but she's like seventh or eighth since the divorce several years back. Some last a few months, some a couple of years, but this new one has a strange grip that I've not seen before. She's like a Goody two-shoes type (nothing wrong with that) but she's planted Bibles all over the house, including the old man's bedside table. And she's even coaxed him into going to church on Sunday mornings - which is way too late in my opinion.

So here's how it goes: the pharmacy delivers Viagra to the house on Saturday, they go to church on Sunday morning, then come home and fornicate all afternoon. Which is fine, I'm no one's judge - and it certainly does keep them out of my hair for the day.

But the other thing is my employer is getting up there in years and showing signs of dementia and paranoia. Which is scary! He has total recall of things that never happened, and in his mind everyone is trying to steal from him or screw him in some kind of way. He'll devour an entire can of nuts while watching a soccer game, then claim the next day that someone stole his cashews. It's not just the house-staff here that gets the evil eye, but the office staff as well. He'll approve a new purchase or renovation for a property he owns, but then forget about his approval and chew everyone out for spending his money! This gets old really fast. How can we know what to do without running afoul of the bear?

The good news tonight is that my spy confidant at the office said the pilot has been alerted and the old man and new woman will be away during the week of July 4th celebrations - a much needed respite for all of us! And I think if I'm wise I need to sit down and update my resume while it's quiet around here for a few days. Who knows what the future may bring?

Thanks for dropping by this evening. I hope you're planning some fun events for the Fourth. I'd love to be with my family for some outdoor grilling and homemade ice cream, but it's not in the cards this year. House sitting and dog sitting are never-ending tasks, whether the old man is here or not.

Andrew
         

What Is It Like To Have Servants?

I love this question, often asked by friends and associates who daydream about being rich and not having to lift a finger to get through a day. It's like, what else is money for if you can't have other people help you with all your stuff, right? For example, what if:

• You don't have to make your own coffee or breakfast when you wake up? Thanks to Chef it's already waiting for you on the breakfast-room table. Or if you're feeling poorly or lazy you could ask for a tray to be sent up to your room - complete with a bud vase and the morning newspaper. 
• You don't have to make your own bed or change the sheets (ever) since the Upstairs Maid will do that for you? (my personal favorite!)
• You don't have to dust, vacuum or mop (again, ever) because that's the Executive Housekeeper's job to assign to her assistant House Cleaners.
• Nor do you have to do your own laundry, ironing, or shine your own shoes since the Laundry Tech takes cares of all that. 
• Do you need to take your car(s) out for inspection, an oil change, or routine maintenance? No, that's the Chauffeurs job of course - along with washing, waxing and filling them up with petrol.
• Do you need to call a repairman (and wait hours for them to arrive) when the air conditioning, internet, or the washing machine goes out? Heavens no, that's what your House Manager/Butler is for.
• Is it your job to mow the grass, trim the hedges and tend the flower gardens on your precious weekend off? Not bloody likely when you have full-time Groundskeepers to do that for you. 
• Is it on your schedule to pick up the dry cleaning or drop off alterations at the tailor shop? No, either the Butler or his assistant, the household Errand Runner will take care of that for you.
• Do you need to dash out to Neiman's to buy a few gifts for a wedding or other such reckless events? You can if you like, or your Personal Shopper is on hand anytime you wish, waiting for your call. Likewise she/he's there for birthdays, graduations, anniversaries and the enormous task of Christmas shopping.
• Do you need to make your own travel arrangements, acquire theater tickets, or write your own Thank You notes? Not when you have a Personal Assistant.
• Is it your responsibility to fly your own plane or steer your own luxury yacht? Not if you have a Pilot and Sea Captain on retainer, ready to go at your every whim. 
• When you're having a gala at your estate for five-or-six hundred guests, do you have to be involved in any way? Not really! Just turn it over to your Events Planner who will organize the Caterers, Musicians, Florists, Decorators, Valet Parkers, Security Personnel, and Party Rental companies if you need tents and canopies. Then you can arrive at your own party stress free, dressed to the hilt in haute couture, dripping in diamonds - ready to enjoy a pleasant evening!  

While this list is hardly exhaustive, you at least get the drift of what it might be like to have an army of people helping you run your busy daily life. However, as noted in the previous post entitled Privacy For The Rich, there's a price to pay for all this help. And there are some situations, no matter how rich and powerful you are, when you have to do a task all by yourself - like standing on line at the Department of Motor Vehicles to have your picture made and driver's license renewed. (Although it's not uncommon to have a servant stand on line, then the boss steps up to take his place when his name is called.)

With the narrow definition of a servant being someone who provides a service, we all have a degree of unavoidable helpers and service workers in our lives, right? Beauticians, barbers, manicurists, dry cleaners, plumbers, electricians, repairmen, tax accountants and lawyers to name a few. Some of us can afford to have house cleaners and lawn-care workers come in once or twice a week. Some of us can afford to get a facial or massage now and then. And let's not overlook all the doctors, dentists and pharmacists trying to help us live healthy lives.

But there's one area when we actually choose to have service, even if we're not rich or powerful - that being when we go out to a restaurant. Depending on the establishment of course, here's what we might have available when we dine out, to a greater or lesser degree:

• Valet Parkers to eliminate finding a parking place.
• A Host/Hostess to escort us to our tables.
• A Table Attendant brings in water and a menu.
• Then a Waiter shows up to take our aperitif orders and dinner choices.
• Right beside him a Sommelier (fancy name for Wine Steward) steps up with a wine list, ready to explain all the fine vintages in their collection that might be suitable for our dinner selections.
• In the kitchen we have Food Preps washing lettuce and dicing veggies, and a Sous Chef and Executive Chef arguing about recipes and how the plate should be laid out.
• Throughout the meal our Waiter shows up to observe, poor more wine, and his Table Attendant brings more water or bread and butter as needed.
• When dinner is over, a Busboy comes quickly to take away the dirty dishes and clean up the mess we've made.
• And back in the kitchen, the Dishwasher cleans all the plates, flatware and stemware so we don't have to do that when we wake up in the morning.

It's a nice experience to have a hearty meal and nourish ourselves without lifting a finger, right? But a word of caution here: this is NOT the time to act silly and snobby. The way we treat our Waiter and his crew reveals our entire personality, not just to the restaurant staff but also to the people we've brought along to dinner. Playing the uppity Big Shot here only gets us bad service, and scorn from our table party guests. And trying to show off our extensive (yet still sophomoric) wine knowledge to a dedicated Sommelier is a lost cause to begin with. In fact, here's a fun and informative article from the Food Network entitled 8 Things Your Waiter Wishes You Knew!

I guess the bottom line is that professional servants take care of needed, legitimate jobs in this world. Not because our rich employers are little Gods on this earth and feel entitled, but for a fat paycheck or a big tip in a restaurant! Abuse, whether it be physical, verbal or emotional, is not allowed - illegal in fact, and can be prosecuted. Arrogance on the other hand might be tolerated by those of us in service - that is, for awhile and to an extent. But it gets tiresome and reveals the true character of the person we're working for -  and provides a big clue as to whether we need to move on and get away from such a self-centered person at the first opportunity.

As always, thanks for stopping by this evening! I hope this post wasn't too tedious, but it's always fun to write about the master/servant relationship. Especially with so many instant and clueless billionaires popping up these days all over the world - like corn kernels on a hot skillet.

Andrew

Privacy For The Rich!

In my capacity as house manager for a rich family I've often been asked if the rich have any kind of privacy. It's a legitimate curiosity of course -  especially these days with every TV channel airing dirty laundry and salacious stories about the rich and powerful.

It's reasonable to think that having lots of money can provide layers upon layers of insulation from the outside world and prying eyes. But generally speaking it's quite the opposite. As you already know rich, famous and powerful people are under constant scrutiny by the press, the paparazzi, the IRS always snooping around - not to mention jealous back-stabbing friends ready to gossip at the drop of a hat. Plus they're under relentless siege by legitimate charity organizations as well as posers,  ladder climbers, gold diggers (both male and female) and outright scammers.

The thing is, when you get so rich and involved that you need other people to help run your busy life, then your personal privacy goes straight out the window. From my unique perspective as head of  the household staff, here's a disturbing list of privacy issues that butlers, housekeepers, laundry techs, chefs, chauffeurs, personal assistants and private secretaries know about our rich employers:

• First and most obvious, we know every nuance of  their moods - when they're happy, sad, or just grumpy for some damned reason. (Which gives us a clue if we need to momentarily disappear or hide out for the whole day.) 
• We can see and hear if the Missus and Mister are speaking to each other at breakfast, or not. Trouble is usually afoot if nary a word is spoken. (Hide!) 
• From their calendars, appointment books and notes beside their phones, we can figure out their comings and goings for the day. (After all, we can't get out work done until they get out of the way.)
• If they fall ill, we know what medications they're taking and what kind of long-term diseases they might be fighting. (Ester the upstairs maid has a talent for Googling every prescription and keeping us informed.)  
• We know what kind of cosmetics and vitamin supplements they're using to fight the ravages of age. (And we know from the pharmacy deliveries how many Viagra pills it takes to get them through a month.)
• Their rumpled and possibly soiled sheets tells Ester if they had a fun toss in the hay or slept on opposite sides of the bed - which she immediately reports for our own well being. (When she tells us they used separate bedrooms for the night, that's definitely a reason to hide!)
• From the empty wine bottles and sliced limes, we can tell how much they drank last night. (Which gives us a clue about what time they might come down to breakfast.)
• Lipstick on the stemware, or lack thereof, tells us if their late night guests were male, female, or both. (If the Missus is out of town but we still find lipstick on a glass, this is a good time for everyone to keep their mouths shut!) 
• Going out in separate cars for the evening almost always means trouble. (Our chauffeur is an expect at detecting unfamiliar perfume and cologne aromas.)
• By sorting the mail we see their department store bills, their investment companies, letters from their attorneys, and legal notices from the court during whatever court battle is at hand. More importantly we see their party invitations and RSVPs. (Which tells us where they stand in local high society at the moment, like who's coming or who's snubbing them this year.) 
• What they're wearing tells us exactly where they're going for the day. Dark clothes and veils obviously indicate a funeral. Casual clothes means they're meeting with intimate friends. Haute couture indicates a party or gala. (A cheap suit from Walmart means yet another day in court fighting off lawsuits.)
• How they pack and how much luggage they take indicates how long they will be gone. (Which spreads like wildfire among the staff!)
• And finally, by typing the tail number of their private jet into Flight Aware's tracking website, we know precisely when their plane is taking off, where it is at all times, and when they'll be coming back. (Urgent information so that we can all look busy when they return!)    

Mind you this is not so much about snooping and gossip as it is about job protection and self preservation. If you work in a 9-5 office job forty hours a week, you have every right to expect your employer to be on best behaviour at all times. Otherwise legal recourse comes into play. But in household service we know our employers can't be on best behaviour 24/7. We're much more tolerant of grumpy moods - we know how to deal with it or else we couldn't tolerate our jobs. In the service industry it's called professionalism. If we don't have it, then we're in the wrong business.

So do rich people have any kind of  privacy?

No, I don't really think so myself. And the constant drone of daily news on cable TV bears this out. Loyalty and confidentiality agreements can only go so far. But intense scrutiny (and gossip) is what it is.

Thanks for dropping by this evening. I hope this has shed some light.
Andrew

Cosmetic Surgery in the World of the Rich!

"I see a lot of new faces out there tonight - especially on the old faces." - Johnny Carson.

Of course, that brought a big laugh from his TV audience. But Carson was tapping into a source of humor that all rich people understand - their endless quest for youth and beauty. Which comes up now because this is the time of year when rich people return from their mysterious winter trips abroad, ready to show off their new faces and bodies for the Spring Social Season.

I can't wait to see the results and wonder if I'll recognize anybody. There comes a point when the face has been stretched so many times that original features start to disappear. What's left is just this smooth mask-like visage - which is one of the reasons I've often said that rich people all look alike to me. The other being their flawless makeup, currently-popular coifs, and of course the endless parade of haute couture and flashy jewels. Seriously, it all becomes a blur.

A few years back I remember telling you about one lady whose face had been stretched so many times that she had a permanent smile - which is why no one ever invited her to a wake or funeral. Last year she had her back stretched and showed up at a cocktail event in a backless dress. Which was  (how to say it politely?) a source of murmur and comment. I'm wondering what the poor thing will look like this year.

A couple of years ago my employer and his then-current girlfriend had their eyes lifted during a winter disappearance. When they got home, with the lingering black eyes and bruising for days on end, they looked like two raccoons sitting there at the breakfast table and didn't dare go out for the evening.

But this year it seems my employer opted for Botox rather than going under the knife. The upstairs maid found a bill for one treatment, photographed it and texted it to me. Indeed, there's noticeably less laugh lines around his mouth. And since the crabby old buzzard gentleman doesn't laugh or smile very often, I'm thinking this treatment will last a lot longer than the usual five-or-six months.

While it's all a source of humor for most of us, there are huge risks involved with these procedures, and there's endless tales of botched cosmetic surgeries that didn't go so well - leaving people with unexpected blemishes and scars.

I once worked in a five-star hotel where a famous and elegant high-society socialite often showed up, always wearing dark veils. She was the heiress to an oil-fortune magnate, and history records that she was somehow "mysteriously disfigured". But rumor was rampant at the time that while undergoing plastic surgery, an oxygen tank had exploded in the operating room.

I'm not sure why I'm reporting all this. The temptation to undergo youth-restoration procedures is entirely understandable. Why not? But it's urgent to seek out the best practitioners available - no time to cut costs here. By all means, check out their references, their successes, and their failures. I mean, how do you go to sleep with a permanent smile stretched on your face?

There is something to be said, after all, for growing old gracefully. Age is a gift, is it not? So many, many people for so many, many reasons don't get to experience this normal progression of life. But rather than going under the knife, the old standbys of exfoliating, regular facials, Oil of Olay moisturizing products and Porcelana Fading Cream can go a long way in upping one's self esteem in the inevitable and god-given process of aging.

As always, thanks for stopping by this evening. I hope this report hasn't been too alarming!

Andrew
 

The Terrified Rich!

"I've been rich been rich and I've been poor, but rich is better!" -  Sophie Tucker, Gertrude Stein, Mae West

During these times of worldwide chaos I've been somewhat amused by business and financial publications like Forbes, The Atlantic, and Business Insider describing the whining and fears of the well-heeled rich. While many of us scramble to come up with rent money or the electric bill, it's true that the rich and super rich have their own set of headaches that keep them awake at night - as inconceivable as that may sound.

In no particular order, here's a list of some of their self-imposed anxieties:

- HANGING ON TO THEIR MONEY: Once they've busted their butts and accumulated a pile of cash, "How on earth do we hang onto it?"

- DECLINING MARKETS: Could their fortunes evaporate overnight with rumors of a recession or an actual collapse? (Even those in the middle class with 401K's have this worry, right?)

- THE IRS: Rich people know all too well that the Internal Revenue Service is breathing down their necks, watching every move they make and ready to pounce. Which requires teams of accountants and lawyers to help them find all the loopholes.

- LAWSUITS: Everyone wants to sue the rich and they're always being dragged into court for some reason or other, which is why they keep lawyers on retainer. (My employer even has a special cheap suit from Walmart and a $25 butt-ugly watch from Walgreen's that he wears to court, so he won't look too rich.)

- CAR WRECKS: At any given moment on any given day, a simple car crash could cost them millions once the injured party and their lawyers find out they have deep pockets! Which is why many of them take taxis, limos, or hired car services when they go out and about.

- POLITICAL CONCERNS: Who is currently in the White House or Congress that might help or hinder them for getting a tax cut or eliminating corporate regulations? (And therefore huge contributions to political campaigns!)

- DIVORCE: No doubt about it, this is decidedly the easiest and quickest way to lose HALF your fortune overnight! (Especially when the wife knows the best attorneys who can break a prenuptial agreement.)

- SEXUAL IMPROPRIETY: As we all know, anyone with money or power is at risk of blackmail, public exposure, or lawsuits for inappropriate behavior. It's all over the news all the time, and I needn't explain more.

- CHARITIES: The rich are under constant siege from a long list of charities seeking donations. Which is why most of them assuage their guilt by aligning themselves with a favorite few, attend their glitzy (if not boring) Charity Balls, then scribble out a check and be done with it. (Around the holidays we literally gets stacks of charity requests in the mail!)

- SECURITY: The multiple homes of the rich are always targets for professional thieves and cat burglars who are after their million-dollar art works, jewels and silver. Even worse, some rich people need to hire body guards to protect against more sinister situations like kidnapping, ransom, or worse.

There's other disquieting stuff, like fear of gold-digging friends, corporate embezzlement, or worrying that their kids will bump them off for the inheritance - but I'll stop here. Many of us daydream about being rich. (Or at least having enough to make ends meet every month.) But as with anything else, there are consequences and responsibilities involved.

As Oscar Wilde said: "When the Gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers."

Thanks for dropping in this evening,
Andrew

Inauguration Gossip Among The Rich!

Needless to say my employer is pleased as punch that the Republican Party is back in office. Apparently he's been a small-government republican all his life and relishes the prospect of all three branches being controlled by one party.

On the other hand, he and his rich old cronies who show up here on a regular basis are quite liberal when it comes to social issues. They are seemingly at odds with the other half of the Republican Party that wants to snoop around in everyone's bedrooms and control our private lives.

In that context, I've heard some hysterical conversations at cocktail parties the past few weeks, from the day of the election results until this first full week of the new president taking office. The comments bounce around the room from group to group, but here are a few snippets.

At first the chatter seems to concern the new guy's readiness and his questionable world view:

"He doesn't seem very well informed, does he?"
"On some subjects, perhaps not."
"Don't you mean most?"
"Have it your way, I'm not in the mood to fuss with you tonight."
"I don't like that he's embracing isolationism."
"I wish you'd embrace it and go home."
"Did you see all those protests?"
"I thought about going, but what does one wear?" 
"Why does he continue with those impetuous tweets?"
"I think it's a crutch. Like that Champagne flute you just refilled."
"The markets are holding steady, that's all I care about."
"You always were so selfless, my dear."

Then the conversations move on to the man's erratic ego issues and what problems that may cause down the road:

"Why did he want to be president anyway? Such a dreadful occupation."
"Most likely an ego thing."
"Why does he keep talking about his numbers?"
"It's something about that TV show I think."
"His bragging embarrasses me."
"It's a wonder you can be embarrassed by anything at your age."
"What voter fraud is he talking about anyway?"
"The one that shows Hillary won."
"What happens when Putin pops his balloon?"
"Cash in and buy gold you twit, like we always do."
"Did he just start a war with Mexico?"
"I wasn't paying attention, what have you heard?"
"His narcissism makes me nauseous."
"Those cheap pearls you're wearing tonight are making me nauseous."
"Bitch!"

Then after all the grumbling stops I hear stuff like this:

"But his ego makes him want to be a good leader, doesn't it?"
"One would think."
"I mean, he'll probably want to have a second term."
"Unless that nasty business about impeachment comes up."
"He might surprise us."
"Your lips to God's ears."
"His wife has wonderfully good taste, don't you think?"
"Well yes, except for her taste in men."
"He doesn't do cocktails? I don't understand that."
"Oh, shut up Sylvia!"

So there we have it. Confusion and consternation are alive and well these days. Not being rich myself there's no rhyme nor reason I would be a republican - not to mention I'm a big fan of clean air and water. But I realize the pendulum swings and don't mind the other party being in office from time to time, to keep things in balance.

At this point I think I'll follow the advice of our ancient and frequent cocktail guest Dame Covington. Dressed in haute couture this evening and dripping in diamonds, she simply said, "We have to give the man a chance, don't we?"

It's not as if we actually had a choice, but I think she's right. Cross our fingers and hope for the best is all we can do right now.

As always, thanks for dropping by this evening. This is not a political blog, so I hope this hasn't been offensive to anyone. It's not my fault our new president is intentionally so tendentious, is it?

Andrew

Trollop Tales!

While watching the morning news with a leisurely cup of coffee in hand, Ester the Upstairs Maid sent this text: "When are you coming? I have some news!" She added a laughing emoji face so I knew it must be something fun.

Still in bathrobe I scurried over to the house where Ester was waiting impatiently. She waved me into the butler's closet where we share all our secrets, and she could barely catch her breath to say, "Before she left this morning I saw Senior take out his money clip and give her a handful of  bills!" And we both began to laugh!

She was talking about the new woman of course, the Trollop as we call her, who's been showing up a couple of times a weeks for the past few months. Somehow we've both instinctively thought she was a professional from the very beginning, and now there's eye-witness evidence involved. Here's some solid giveaways about her behavior:

1) New lady friends who have long-term designs upon the Mister always seem to leave things behind when they depart the next day; a bottle of perfume, a book, perhaps even some lingerie to start claiming their territory. The Trollop doesn't do any of this; she takes everything with her the next morning when she clears out.  

2) In addition, new lady friends always seem to quietly bring in framed photos of her and the Mister, again to claim territory I suppose, placing them discreetly around the house. No such thing is happening with the Trollop.

3) And last of all, new lady friends always try to suck up to me and other staff in some sort of way, to gain acceptance no doubt and get us on their side. Not only does the Trollop not do this, but she usually pretends she doesn't even see me. We did confront each other face to face in the garage one morning as she was leaving, and she stuttered something about "What a beautiful day". Never mind it was cloudy and starting to drizzle.

All of which is fine with me. As Coco Chanel said, "I don't care what you think about me, I don't think about you at all".

So there we have it. The Trollop really is a trollop! Although to her credit, I guess a high paid one at that. The Mister apparently keeps his small bills in his wallet, but the solid-gold money clip (as we've all seen on his bathroom counter) contains only hundreds!

I hope this wasn't too wasteful of your time, but I couldn't resist getting this news out!

As always, thanks for stopping by tonight,
Andrew

Goodbye Hotel Chelsea!

It's no secret the Hotel Chelsea in New York, built in 1883, is under renovation and being turned into a boutique hotel for the rich.

For decades this iconic hotel on West 23rd in Manhattan was home to struggling artists, writers, poets, musicians and other wayward souls seeking refuge within its welcoming doors.

Among the notable writers and poets, Mark Twain, O'Henry, Dylan Thomas, Tennessee Williams, Jack Kerouac, Allen Ginsberg and William S. Boroughs sought shelter or camaraderie within these hallowed walls, taking their meals in the inexpensive El Quijote bar and restaurant on the lobby floor.

Singers from Edith Piaf and Bob Dylan to Pink Floyd and Leonard Cohen frequented the Chelsea. Poet/singer Patti Smith and her photographer boyfriend Robert Mapplethorpe were long-term residents, and Janis Joplin would rent a cheap room there during her New York concerts. Not to mention Andy Warhol's bizarre and wonderful crowd were regular visitors.

All of these people in their various ways were in the forefront of social revolution - most notably beginning with the Beat Generation in the 1950s, throughout the turbulent and revolutionary 1960s, and the total madness of the 1970s and 80s. The Hotel Chelsea, on the National Register of Historic Places since 1977, was a crossroads and mingling place for all of them, and all of us benefit from the extraordinary social changes they set in motion.

But now this island of refuge and inspiration to artists for decades is being renovated - turned into a chic hotel for rich people to come and go as they please.

My question is, don't the rich have enough in this world already? Why do they need the Chelsea for God's sake? The very idea of watching them sashay in and out in their haute couture seems antithetic to the hotel's very history and purpose.

I feel a personal loss in this as well. Some years back I and some buddies rented an apartment on West 22nd, directly behind the Chelsea. When there was nothing else to do at night we'd wander over to the hotel, have a few drinks or dinner in the El Quijote, and observe first hand the amazing characters that still called this place home.

As lamentable as all this might be, life changes and I understand that. Perhaps it's time to graciously let go of the Chelsea - as if we had a choice. The extraordinary efforts and struggles of its residents have come to fruition in so many, many ways over the decades. And the forces of social justice and equal rights set in motion there have become mainstream thinking, right up to present-day.

I just hope rich people checking in at the front desk can somehow appreciate and revere the hard work accomplished within its walls. After all, it was in the vanguard of creating this amazing new world of liberation and freedom in which we all live and thrive - and has allowed them to accumulate their fortunes.

Thanks for stopping by tonight,
Andrew

What Do Rich People Eat?

This is the most frequently asked question since I've been writing the blog - and it comes from countries all over the globe. For those of us who have to stretch our budgets, of course there's curiosity about the eating habits and nutrition of those with unlimited means. But the answer might be surprising.

In a recent article in the New York Daily News it seems that people with lots of money go to fast food restaurants more frequently than lower-income families. Somewhat the opposite of what we'd expect, right? But it's not all that shocking since a Big Mac costs five bucks nowadays. For a large family it's far less expensive to cook at home than to run out to McDonald's, dollar menu or not.

While rich people can afford the finest cuts of meat at the local butcher shop and the freshest langostino shrimp imported to their cities by overnight air, they don't necessarily do so, at least not all the time. And they can snack on expensive imported cheeses and hors d'oeuvres brought in by a caterer, or the finest chocolates from Belgium and Switzerland. But again, not always. It's not unusual for us to find an empty pizza box when we get to work in the mornings.

Every night of the week they can afford to go to restaurants like Masa in New York for a minimum of $450 per person, or a more modestly-priced place like Ruth's Chris for a two-hundred dollar steak dinner (although I should mention that Ruth's also offers a fifty-dollar steak on their equivalent of McDonald's Dollar Menu).

They might have a light lunch at the Palm Court in New York, then fly off in their private jets to a late dinner at Maxim's in Paris, or the Brasserie in Monte Carlo overlooking the Princess Grace rose gardens.
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In spite of all this temptation the modern-day rich are health conscious, of course. Many follow the Mediterranean diet both in their homes and when they go to restaurants. That's basically what's going on here where I work. It's more of a lifestyle than a diet anyway, consisting of lots of fish, fresh veggies, pasta, nuts and berries, and olive oil.

But we're not surprised when we find the kitchen cluttered with take-out Chinese cartons when we get to work, or an empty package of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups in the trash can. The truth is rich people eat anything they want, whenever they want, wherever they want.

As for their secret to staying slim, my observation is that they take only small portions of whatever's being served, and hit the gym on a regular basis. In centuries past being rich meant getting fat and suffering from gout - known as the rich man's disease. But those days are long gone.

Hope this was informative, and thanks for stopping by this evening,

Andrew

The Seven Social Sins in the World of the Rich!

Back in the days when Mahatma Gandhi was trying to throw off British rule from his beloved India, he published a list of what he called the Seven Social Sins in his weekly newspaper Young India. 

It challenges what Gandhi felt were the wrong doings of the rich and the British ruling class that were oppressing his country. Considering the current climate in America about the 1% and income inequality, his observations seem apropos to this very day.

Here is his list of the Seven Social Sins, sometimes referred to as the Seven Blunders of the World - which in his mind could lead to anger, chaos, violence, and revolution:

1) Wealth without work.
2) Pleasure without conscience.
3) Knowledge without character.
4) Commerce without morality.
5) Science without humanity.
6) Worship without sacrifice.
7) Politics without principle.

Astounding accusations, aren't they? Which seems to me can apply to the rise and fall of so many nations and cultures all throughout history - starting with Persia and Rome.

Where do the modern-day super rich fit into Gandhi's observations? It's certainly not for me to say or judge, but would depend on how they use their wealth I suppose. Whether for the greater good or merely self aggrandizement.      

Thanks for dropping in this evening.

Andrew

Things Money Can't Buy!

In this bizarre world of the super rich where I live and work, more than once I've been asked about things rich people cannot buy. So I thought I'd give this topic a shot.

Of course we all know and dream about the amazing things money can buy - fun, luxury, travel, fancy cars, furs, diamonds, not to mention peace of mind and endless rest, right? But still there are some things in this crazy world that money can't touch or acquire. So from my point of view, here's what I've got:

Wisdom:
It was Aristophanes who said "Ignorance can be educated, but stupid lasts forever".  Which is to say, you can purchase the best education available at Harvard or Yale, but without wisdom to put all that knowledge together you can still wind up stupid as an ox in understanding the ways of the world.

Integrity:
The very definition of integrity is having the quality of being honest with strong moral principals and uprightness, right? But unfortunately too many rich people, having to claw their way to the top, have given up any sense of integrity altogether. Which is fine; nobody really cares how you got rich. But nobody forgets either. Try to remember that.

Respect:
Well, without integrity how could anyone hope to have respect? This is something earned - not purchased.

Class:
You can live in a trailer park and still be as classy as Eleanor Roosevelt or Audrey Hepburn, with an outward look toward others and compassion in your heart. Or you can be rich as all get out and still be entirely selfish and self centered. Class, like wisdom, is something a person is born with - you either have it or you don't. And good luck to anyone who's trying to purchase it with money.

Love:
Without question money can buy steady and constant companionship, perhaps even loyalty, as long as the money and paychecks keeps flowing. But love? That would be rare-to-impossible. Which is precisely why the rich are so reliant upon Prenuptial Agreements.

Immortality:
To extend their names beyond the grave, rich people are fond of giving endowments to hospitals and universities with their names prominently displayed on the new wing or addition. And to extend their own bodily lives, they of course have access to the finest medical care available. They have their compound pharmacists and supplements, and they have their favorite plastic surgeons in Switzerland to help reverse the ravages of age. But in the end? Guess what....

Happiness:
To a degree money can most definitely buy certain aspects of fun and pleasure, right? But true happiness is a special place in the soul - available to everyone whether we're rich or poor. Personally, it's not in my observation that rich people are blessed with any more or any less happiness than all the rest of us.

I hope this wasn't insanely sophomoric or tedious. I think we all agree it would be more fun to be rich than poor, right? But the truth is, just because they have a few more beans in their pockets than most of us, the rich are subject to the same human frailties as everyone else. And the old adage is so very true - money can't buy everything.

Thanks for stopping by this evening,

Andrew

Gossip in the World of the Rich!

You know, I'm beginning to love our new Pope Francis, as many of us are whether we're Catholic or not. He's a breath of fresh air and gives real hope to the poor and suffering, not to mention a modernized although carefully-nuanced vision for the church.

But out of the blue last month, just a couple of weeks before Christmas, Pope Francis made a statement that came down hard on gossip! Oops! As you can see this admonishment cuts way to close to home. What am I to do? Shut down the blog?

I'm assuming this is based on number nine of the Big Ten - that business about "not bearing false witness against thy neighbor". But honestly, if Moses could have known how dreadful our neighbors are in this part of town he might have left some loopholes in this one.

Taking it all into consideration I do have a few thoughts on the subject I'd like to share. First and foremost is the simple fact that the biggest gossip mill on the face of this entire planet is within the Vatican itself, and everybody knows it! So give me a break.

Second, because of this castigation there could be a massive loss of work for newspapers, tabloids, magazines, films, TV shows, news programs, gossip columnists, bloggers and paparazzi. (i.e. How many employees and freelancers are employed by People Magazine?) 

Third, gossip is one of many tried-and-true forms of social bonding. It's the '"Us against them'" factor and how we sometimes distinguish ourselves into groups and cliques.

And last, what might be thought of as gossip to some might be considered urgent information to others - especially in the world of the super rich where gossip can be vital. Not just about fashion, jewelry, what's in, what's out, who's on top and who's on bottom - but there's big money at stake in their relationships. (e.g. Would it be wise to invest with someone whose wife at the moment is suing him for half his fortune?) I believe it was Sir Francis Bacon who first said "Knowledge is power". And power is something rich people love for sure.

Having said all that, I'm not really certain if I've made a convincing argument to either you or the Vatican this evening, and I may have to address this again with St. Peter someday when I'm knocking on the gates. If he does let me in, I certainly hope that none of our neighbors will be up there. Although I can't imagine for a minute that they would be.

Thanks for dropping in this evening.

Andrew

Shut Down the Holidays!

Okay, so Halloween is behind us and the tidal wave is just ahead - Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's in rapid order.

Even though it's still two months out we're beginning to hear Christmas jingles on the TV, right? And all the stores and shops are starting to gear up. The Hallmark channel has already knocked The Golden Girls off the air and started their sappy reruns of lugubrious holiday movies.

In my naiveté, the thought occurs to me that since our current dysfunctional Congressmen are so prone to shutting things down (like the United States government for example), perhaps they could do something truly beneficial for the American people just for once and shut down the holidays.

Not forever, mind you. Just this one year and give us a break. I'm sure we could all use a rest from the annual onslaught of commercial fawning that denigrates the holidays in the first place - not to mention leaving us exhausted and throwing us all into debt.

As popular as this idea might be in the polls, if history is any indication Congress would probably just kick the holidays down the road a few months - shoving Thanksgiving and Christmas right up against Easter and Spring Break. And what good would that do anyone?

The reason this comes up, with the divorce and the new girlfriend on the scene I have no idea what to expect these coming holidays, no clue whatsoever as to how to proceed or prepare, and I'm dreading it no end. With the former wife there would have been endless parties and galas, well planned in advance. But this year, who knows?

Thanks for stopping by tonight. I do hope your holiday plans and preparations are a little less frustrating than mine. But it sure would be sweet to just skip it all for one year.

Andrew

Confusion in the Mansion!

It's happening again - the Mister is being nice to me and I have no earthly idea what's going on! We've been through this nonsense before, which normally lasts only two or three days, but this time it's been going on for almost two weeks.

As the butler here I'm accustomed to dealing with rich peoples' oddities and quirks, of course. But this bizarre behavior on his part will eventually drive me crazy.Without question, I'm highly suspicious. Something's definitely up. What does he want?

Sometimes when he's nice it's just to butter me up so I'll serve as a dependable character witness in whatever lawsuit is at hand. But normally that's just a couple of days before the court date, and then over and done with.

Maybe it's because he's suddenly carrying on two affairs at the same time, and simply wants me to accept it without questions and keep my mouth shut. Very possible.

More insidiously, however, I'm suspecting he's trying to make me feel uncomfortable so I'll quit my job voluntarily and not cost him any unemployment-insurance contributions. Very possible, indeed. The old goat really knows how to get under my skin.

We'll see. But this happy mood he seems to be encouraging is certainly no way to approach the dreaded holidays to come - Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's, in rapid order. Will let you know how this horrible mess develops. But if this keeps up, I've got to get out of here.

Thanks for stopping by tonight,

Andrew