Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Halloween Candy in July?

As an addendum to the last post about rich people already staking out Christmas party dates in mid-to-late summer, I just wanted to mention that Walgreen's is already putting out Halloween candy!

We're hardly through with our vacations and lazy hazy days of summer, right? But greedy corporations are already shoving the holidays in our face.

I just wanted to say thank you very much Walgreen's for your unveiled and unbridled eagerness to get a jump on your competitors, no matter how unseemly it may be.

Plus we're all so glad to know that the candy you're putting out for innocent children is so loaded with chemicals that it'll last on your store shelves for at least the next four months - from now until Halloween, if not for years to come!

I'm not the rampaging anti-corporation type, but there comes a point when a sense of social order, good taste and propriety should regulate even corporations, don't you think?

Why can't you wait 'til at least September, Walgreen's, to put out your Halloween chemicals candy?

But in July? In the middle of summer? Why not go ahead and put out your Valentine's candy at the same time?

I'm sure it'll keep!


Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Christmas Plans in July?

With the Fourth of July behind us summer's about half over, and for many of us our thoughts turn to cooler days in autumn and football season on the horizon.

In my world among the super rich this is also the agonizing month when Christmas preparations begin. By that I mean it's time for high society to start staking out dates for their holiday parties and galas.

While this might seem a simple task on the surface, it's actually a freak-out nightmare! Like working an intricate jigsaw puzzle, whatever date you select must correspond to when your events planner, your caterer, party rental company and valet parkers are available all on the same date. Not so easy.

But wait. It's even more complicated than that! Your party dates cannot conflict with other high society parties within your social circles. And this is where it gets really tricky.

In most cities and rich communities across the country the reigning queen has first dibs on her party dates. Then deferring to her, the hierarchy of lesser rich has to wait for her decision and then fall into place as best they can.

So July is the month when everyone's desperately abuzz, trying to find out when a certain Mrs. Huffenbitch is throwing her grand gala. It starts with phone calls, luncheons and cocktail parties, with anyone and everyone offering whatever bits of information and gossip they have. (No one dares ask Huffenbitch herself, of course.)

But in polite society the reigning queen, knowing her power and position, is gracious enough to announce her party dates in mid-to-late summer so all the underlings in her world can get on with their plans.

With this accomplished, it just leaves the in-fighting among the lesser rich for choosing their party dates - and again corresponding to when their events planner, caterers, vendors and valet parkers will be available to oblige.

So if you think planning Christmas parties in the world of the rich is an easy task, think twice. It can be a knock-down, drag-out fight for power and position.

Thanks for dropping by this evening.

I hope your Christmas plans aren't quite so complicated and nerve shattering, with ladder-climbing ambitions at stake.


Thursday, July 2, 2015

Happy Fourth of July, 2015!

I just got some terrific news! My spy coworker at the office called to say the pilot has been engaged for ten days over the Fourth of July weekend!

She has no idea where they're going and said there's no hotel bookings coming across her desk. Which usually means they're going to one of their other properties - maybe the Caribbean or perhaps the condo in Paris. But it could also mean they're visiting friends somewhere else altogether and don't need a hotel.

In any case (as mentioned before) I'll know precisely where they're going the moment the jet leaves the hanger from a plane-tracking website called Flight Aware. Just type in the tail number of a private jet and you know the exact flight plan. Likewise, I'll know when the jet is on the move again and on it's way home.

So I have the happy task of giving the house staff and groundskeepers lots of time off during the next ten days. Of course when you have your own jet and pilot, rich people can change their plans at a moment's notice and come home early, God forbid.

In which case I simply send an EMERGENCY TEXT ALERT to the staff so that we can all be caught working dead in our tracks when our employer returns.

But with the old man being out of our hair for at least a few days gives new meaning to the words Independence Day.

Happy Fourth!