Thursday, May 5, 2016

Trollop Tales!

While watching the morning news with a leisurely cup of coffee in hand, Ester the Upstairs Maid sent this text: "When are you coming? I have some news!" She added a laughing emoji face so I knew it must be something fun.

Still in bathrobe I scurried over to the house where Ester was waiting impatiently. She waved me into the butler's closet where we share all our secrets, and she could barely catch her breath to say, "Before she left this morning I saw Senior take out his money clip and give her a handful of  bills!" And we both began to laugh!

She was talking about the new woman of course, the Trollop as we call her, who's been showing up a couple of times a weeks for the past few months. Somehow we've both instinctively thought she was a professional from the very beginning, and now there's eye-witness evidence involved. Here's some solid giveaways about her behavior:

1) New lady friends who have long-term designs upon the Mister always seem to leave things behind when they depart the next day; a bottle of perfume, a book, perhaps even some lingerie to start claiming their territory. The Trollop doesn't do any of this; she takes everything with her the next morning when she clears out.  

2) In addition, new lady friends always seem to quietly bring in framed photos of her and the Mister, again to claim territory I suppose, placing them discreetly around the house. No such thing is happening with the Trollop.

3) And last of all, new lady friends always try to suck up to me and other staff in some sort of way, to gain acceptance no doubt and get us on their side. Not only does the Trollop not do this, but she usually pretends she doesn't even see me. We did confront each other face to face in the garage one morning as she was leaving, and she stuttered something about "What a beautiful day". Never mind it was cloudy and starting to drizzle.

All of which is fine with me. As Coco Chanel said, "I don't care what you think about me, I don't think about you at all".

So there we have it. The Trollop really is a trollop! Although to her credit, I guess a high paid one at that. The Mister apparently keeps his small bills in his wallet, but the solid-gold money clip (as we've all seen on his bathroom counter) contains only hundreds!

I hope this wasn't too wasteful of your time, but I couldn't resist getting this news out!

As always, thanks for stopping by tonight,
Andrew


Friday, April 22, 2016

My Billionaire's World! What a Crappy Day!

With all the insanity going on in the world right now, I don't mean to stress you tonight. But this has been an awful day. In fact, an awful week and my future employment here is in the balance.

It was the former Missus who hired me seven years ago - basically to be her personals assistant, to run her errands, and to assist with dinner parties, cocktail events, and her renowned huge galas. All of which was great fun for me at the time.

I made it clear to both her and the Mister during the very first interview that I'm not a handyman and have no concept of plumbing, electricity or any of that crap. But the Mister said it's not a problem since his people in Central Maintenance at the corporation could handle all that stuff. Honestly, he was so enamored of his new wife at the time that anything she wanted (including me, I guess) was fine with him. And thus I was hired.

But since the divorce all that has changed. Instead of being engaged in all the fun and glamour of high society events, my job's been reduced to house sitter, dog sitter, and morphed into being a property manager - calling in contractors to fix things around the house.

Mercifully I've had the help of Dario, one of our Italian groundskeepers, to fix things like a loose door handle, a leaking toilet, a broken vacuum, or a fountain pump that's not working. Together with the other staff, we've been a great team in keeping this huge house running.

But today was Dario's last day!

He's moving on to open his own small business - which delights me no end. He deserves it and I've no doubt he'll be successful. But this leaves me depending on outside contractors for any little thing we need done around here. It exposes me as the fraud that I am as a property manager. And it's just a matter of time when my old tightwad employer gets tired of paying all these bills and tosses me out in favor of a Mr. Fixit.

I'll be ok with all this. I can call up the agency and ask them to find another job. And the former Missus told me to call her up when I'm free from here, But we'll just have to see. Maybe it's time to move on to another career altogether. I don't know quite yet.

But I wanted to let you know what's going on around here.

As always, thanks for dropping in this evening,
Andrew