Thursday, February 23, 2017

Gatsby the Great!

Well crap! There's more trouble around here than you can shake a stick at! This afternoon Dame Garrett (one of our absolutely favorite Grand Dames of local high society) arrived just in time for happy hour the evening cocktails. When she got out of her beat-up old Bentley, one of the Great Danes grabbed her umbrella and ran off with it!

Not just any umbrella mind you, but a Monet print, acquired from a visit to the artist's hometown in Giverny, France. And from Dame Garrett's panic and tears there was no doubt sentimental attachment involved. Chasing the Dane as he lopped off to his secret burial ground, we were able to bribe him with a treat and he finally let go of the umbrella with only a few minor punctures. (In which case the umbrella becomes a parasol I suppose, rather than protection from rain.)

In any case, his full name on the vet's records is Gatsby the Great. But whereas his companion Darcy is gentle and well mannered, Gatsby is a total mess! Perhaps one of the dumbest dogs God ever put on the planet! Here's just a brief history:

- When he was a puppy we sent him off to a two-week boarding academy for training. Not only did he not graduate, but after six days the academy called us up and politely asked us to pick him up. "We'll send a private trainer to your home," they explained.

- He crawled under the Lexus SUV one night and chewed up a bunch of wires! Requiring a tow truck and ungodly expense to repair!

- When the Mister arrived home from the office one day, Gatsby grabbed his electronic car key and we never saw it again! ($500 to replace!)

- When contractors come, he grabs their tools and runs off to the burial ground! Which causes endless delays in needed repairs. (I try to warn them but they don't fully get it until it's too late!)

- At one cocktail event he grabbed a Senator by his Brooks Brothers tie and just hung there! The man (an elderly gentleman with a bad heart) was totally freaked! But Gatsby wouldn't let go until we got there with a treat.

- One elegant lady, stepping outside for a breath of fresh air at a cocktail event, screamed in alarm when Gatsby yanked her Neiman-Marcus scarf right off her neck! He ran around the grounds with the scarf trailing after him in the breeze, and just try to envision this woman in her red stilettos and diamond bracelets chasing after him!

- Then there was the lady doing her wedding photo shoot here on the grounds. To her horror Gatsby ran up and jumped on her gown with muddy paws! Needless to say screams, tears and re-scheduling!

Don't get me wrong, it's not that Gatsby is a mean dog, but he's definitely got issues! Dame Garrett said that, "With his affection for Brooks ties, NM scarves, Mercedes keys, and Monet umbrellas, at least the boy has good taste."

I guess I have to agree. Gatsby has never grabbed my umbrella from Wall-Marts.

Thanks for dropping in this evening and sharing my angst!

Andrew      

   

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Inauguration Gossip Among The Rich!

Needless to say my employer is pleased as punch that the Republican Party is back in office. Apparently he's been a small-government republican all his life and relishes the prospect of all three branches being controlled by one party.

On the other hand, he and his rich old cronies who show up here on a regular basis are quite liberal when it comes to social issues. They are seemingly at odds with the other half of the Republican Party that wants to snoop around in everyone's bedrooms and control our private lives.

In that context, I've heard some hysterical conversations at cocktail parties the past few weeks, from the day of the election results until this first full week of the new president taking office. The comments bounce around the room from group to group, but here are a few snippets.

At first the chatter seems to concern the new guy's readiness and his questionable world view:

"He doesn't seem very well informed, does he?"
"On some subjects, perhaps not."
"Don't you mean most?"
"Have it your way, I'm not in the mood to fuss with you tonight."
"I don't like that he's embracing isolationism."
"I wish you'd embrace it and go home."
"Did you see all those protests?"
"I thought about going, but what does one wear?" 
"Why does he continue with those impetuous tweets?"
"I think it's a crutch. Like that Champagne flute you just refilled."
"The markets are holding steady, that's all I care about."
"You always were so selfless, my dear."

Then the conversations move on to the man's erratic ego issues and what problems that may cause down the road:

"Why did he want to be president anyway? Such a dreadful occupation."
"Most likely an ego thing."
"Why does he keep talking about his numbers?"
"It's something about that TV show I think."
"His bragging embarrasses me."
"It's a wonder you can be embarrassed by anything at your age."
"What voter fraud is he talking about anyway?"
"The one that shows Hillary won."
"What happens when Putin pops his balloon?"
"Cash in and buy gold you twit, like we always do."
"Did he just start a war with Mexico?"
"I wasn't paying attention, what have you heard?"
"His narcissism makes me nauseous."
"Those cheap pearls you're wearing tonight are making me nauseous."
"Bitch!"

Then after all the grumbling stops I hear stuff like this:

"But his ego makes him want to be a good leader, doesn't it?"
"One would think."
"I mean, he'll probably want to have a second term."
"Unless that nasty business about impeachment comes up."
"He might surprise us."
"Your lips to God's ears."
"His wife has wonderfully good taste, don't you think?"
"Well yes, except for her taste in men."
"He doesn't do cocktails? I don't understand that."
"Oh, shut up Sylvia!"

So there we have it. Confusion and consternation are alive and well these days. Not being rich myself there's no rhyme nor reason I would be a republican - not to mention I'm a big fan of clean air and water. But I realize the pendulum swings and don't mind the other party being in office from time to time, to keep things in balance.

At this point I think I'll follow the advice of our ancient and frequent cocktail guest Dame Covington. Dressed in haute couture this evening and dripping in diamonds, she simply said, "We have to give the man a chance, don't we?"

It's not as if we actually had a choice, but I think she's right. Cross our fingers and hope for the best is all we can do right now.

As always, thanks for dropping by this evening. This is not a political blog, so I hope this hasn't been offensive to anyone. It's not my fault our new president is intentionally so tendentious, is it?

Andrew