Thursday, May 5, 2016

Trollop Tales!

While watching the morning news with a leisurely cup of coffee in hand, Ester the Upstairs Maid sent this text: "When are you coming? I have some news!" She added a laughing emoji face so I knew it must be something fun.

Still in bathrobe I scurried over to the house where Ester was waiting impatiently. She waved me into the butler's closet where we share all our secrets, and she could barely catch her breath to say, "Before she left this morning I saw Senior take out his money clip and give her a handful of  bills!" And we both began to laugh!

She was talking about the new woman of course, the Trollop as we call her, who's been showing up a couple of times a weeks for the past few months. Somehow we've both instinctively thought she was a professional from the very beginning, and now there's eye-witness evidence involved. Here's some solid giveaways about her behavior:

1) New lady friends who have long-term designs upon the Mister always seem to leave things behind when they depart the next day; a bottle of perfume, a book, perhaps even some lingerie to start claiming their territory. The Trollop doesn't do any of this; she takes everything with her the next morning when she clears out.  

2) In addition, new lady friends always seem to quietly bring in framed photos of her and the Mister, again to claim territory I suppose, placing them discreetly around the house. No such thing is happening with the Trollop.

3) And last of all, new lady friends always try to suck up to me and other staff in some sort of way, to gain acceptance no doubt and get us on their side. Not only does the Trollop not do this, but she usually pretends she doesn't even see me. We did confront each other face to face in the garage one morning as she was leaving, and she stuttered something about "What a beautiful day". Never mind it was cloudy and starting to drizzle.

All of which is fine with me. As Coco Chanel said, "I don't care what you think about me, I don't think about you at all".

So there we have it. The Trollop really is a trollop! Although to her credit, I guess a high paid one at that. The Mister apparently keeps his small bills in his wallet, but the solid-gold money clip (as we've all seen on his bathroom counter) contains only hundreds!

I hope this wasn't too wasteful of your time, but I couldn't resist getting this news out!

As always, thanks for stopping by tonight,


  1. Andrew, so as a butler(to use an old fashioned term) how do ya feel about the comment made by mr Trump's butler? Just curious since it happened in your world.

    1. Like children, butlers should be seen but not heard. The man is an embarrassment to his employer, to himself, and to professional butlers worldwide.

  2. oh my Andrew! you totally crack me up, I needed a good laugh!

  3. Oh my Andrew, you made me laugh so hard I snorted!

    1. LOL!!! (As long as you're not snorting cocaine!)