Thursday, May 19, 2016

Trollop Tales: Part 2

This business with the Trollop hanging around all the time is really getting on my nerves! Last night for the first time she invited some of her friends to the house for the cocktail hour. Not a good sign to my way of thinking that she feels so comfortable here as to actually invite her friends. But apparently the Mister was in acquiescence, so what could I do?

To set the stage, for music she asked me to put on some Vivaldi concertos for the evening, which gave me a somewhat but unsurprising shock. Most civilized people know that Vivaldi's generally relegated to breakfast music. His perky little concertos are so much better suited to waking up and facing a new day than trying to wind down in the evenings. Not to mention that all his concertos are so similar if not totally repetitive. In fact, I think it was Stravinsky who made the strident remark "Vivaldi didn't write five-hundred concertos, he wrote one concerto five hundred times!"

Anyhow, and getting back to the trollop, I positioned myself behind the bar - ready to mix drinks for the cocktail hour. But what cocktails? Her friends started asking for beer! Which we have plenty of by the way, the expensive varieties of course. And I might also mention that we plenty of elegant crystal beer glasses on hand.

However, as I opened each beer for the trollop's guests, each one would reach for it (without even a cocktail napkin) and start to drink it straight out of the bottle!

The only reason I didn't have a mild stroke was because I've seen this kind of aberrant behavior before of course - in bars, especially sports bars, and have done so myself in such environments. But this evening was the first time I've ever seen such a thing happen in this house. The Mister (being seventy-five and one foot in the grave) seemed to enjoy all the frivolity and fun for the evening, so who am I to judge this?

I checked with my spy confidant at the corporation and so far the Trollop hasn't been issued a credit card yet, as most long-term girlfriends receive. By way of comparison the former wife had the American Express Black Card, with a minimum spending requirement of $250,000 per year. Whereas the new girlfriends usually get a mere Visa or MasterCard that max's out at $5,000.

So it's somewhat comforting, at least to date, that the Trollop hasn't yet been issued her own plastic. We'll see what happens down the line. But drinking beer straight out of the bottle might very well give the Mister pause in going forward with this dalliance. Even in his dotage, he has his standards.

Thanks for dropping in this evening, and for any commiseration in this intolerable situation,




  1. Oh no, this will not do at all!
    Wait, were the cartier beer glasses pre-chilled? Because otherwise, psshaw! :)

    1. You've got a point. Perhaps our "sophisticated" beer drinkers didn't want to warm their beers by pouring it into our unchilled glasses. But then again, their reaching/grabbing reflex seemed more like something you'd see in a crowded bar where glasses aren't even offered. :)