The house-staffing agency that placed me in this new butler job asked me during the very first interview to describe the 'ideal employer' I would want to work for.
Well, okay, I wasn't exactly prepared for that. I was totally nervous about first-time employment for rich people and I couldn't just stand there and tell them the truth, now could I? But I can certainly tell you. Does anyone remember Miss Havisham? Compared to my new highly-needy and deranged employers, she would be absolutely wonderful to work for as a first-time employer.
First, she had driven herself insane over a lost love and a cancelled wedding - but I get along well with the mentally ill considering how easy they are to relate to. And then, she became a total recluse. Which means she'll not be having any parties and few if any over-night guests.
She rattled around the house in the same old tattered wedding dress, day after day, year after year. Which means no laundry, no ironing and very few dry-cleaning bills, right? And she liked her house in total disarray, meaning little-to-no dusting, vacuuming, or moping.
In addition to all that, her dining room table with two candelabras and a petrified wedding cake was covered with dust and cobwebs. Which means to me no formal sit-down dinners or cocktail buffets in the near future, wouldn't you think?
And finally, the drapes throughout the house had been pulled closed for years - therefore no indoor plants to speak of, and no UV rays destroying the original oil paintings or fading the Persians.
As you can readily see, the advantages of working on such an estate and for such a dear lady are obvious. If anyone hears of a position like this opening up, I do hope you'll keep me in mind. Of course I'd need to give a couple of weeks notice here, with somewhat questionable references. But we can work that out.
Thanks for stopping by this evening.