As the Butler in this billionaire's household, something I'm often asked is, "How do you clean your chandeliers?"
And my answer is always, "We don't! We get someone else to do it."
Cleaning a chandelier is one of the most boring, tedious, time-consuming tasks known to mankind. So don't even think about doing it yourself!
Among other chandeliers in this house, in the dining room we have an enormous Baccarat -- three-tiered with forty-six lamps, if I counted correctly. There's several dozen large crystals and literally hundreds of small crystals. And there's just no way can we clean this monster ourselves.
So here's what I know, and here's what we do:
1) First and most important! There are several products on the market that ask you to spread a drop-cloth below the chandelier, then spray all the crystals with their product. And supposedly all the dirt, grime and soot will just drip off! But not so! These products are absolute frauds. None of them work! They all leave the crystals streaked and cloudy. So don't waste your time and money with this.
2) We keep our chandeliers looking fresh by dusting the cobwebs and hand-polishing the large crystals. (Use a rubber glove and a baby diaper sprayed with Windex, or some other glass cleaner of choice.) If the large crystals look sparkling clean to the casual observer, then that must mean the entire chandelier is clean, right? (And if a guest just stands there and rudely stares at your chandelier, he needs to be thrown out and never invited again!)
3) You can send the chandelier out to a professional cleaner, who will take apart each crystal, polish it, and reassemble the entire fixture. And there goes an easy $20,000 for the movers to take it down, for the experts to clean it, and the movers once again to reinstall it. And your dining room will be out of service for at least two months.
4) Or, you can hire someone willing to sit on a ladder for hours on end and polish each and every crystal by hand. You'll probably need someone, and no offense meant here at all, with OCD's (Obsessive Compulsive Disorders). And you'll want to pay this person at least fifty dollars an hour. We have a wonderful young lady with minor OCD's who can clean our dining room chandelier in about twelve to fifteen hours. (I hope I'm not being flippant about OCD's. Properly channeled, they can be very useful. And everyone has them to some extent, don't we? Even if it's the way we put on our socks in the morning.)
So there you have it, from a professional butler -- for whatever it's worth. You know in your heart you will never clean your own chandelier. So get rid of the guilt, and get someone else to do it.
Thanks for stopping by tonight. Hope this was helpful.