___________________________________
You won't believe this! (I can hardly believe it myself!)
But as the indispensable butler that I am (ha!) I actually have three days off!
What? Absolutely amazing!
I'm going to a small family gathering at my cousin Celene's house, just a three-hour drive away in Upstate New York. Her brother and one of my favorite nutty cousins, Kevin, is coming from Arizona.
He's worked in Security for Las Vegas Casinos, and conducts both group and private classes for self defense, with handguns. And he's going to try to teach me how to shoot a gun! (Man lessons, as it were. Ha!)
This does figure into my role here as House Manager.
The Mister is a hunter and the house is well armed, even a handgun in his bedside table. And he's always wanted me to learn how to shoot as well -- both to guard against intruders, and to scare deer away from destroying the gardens and grounds.
So this weekend is my chance, and will let you know how it goes. omg! Rich people (and their homes) are targets, of course. So perhaps I can acquire a new skill that will augment their safety.
And here's some information I'd like to share with you tonight:
There's three categories of intruders that we (which includes you) need to guard against!
1) The amateur, opportunistic smash-and-grab thieves: I'm not much afraid of this. There's always housestaff around, and we're well guarded against this type of intrusion with gates, cameras, motion detectors, exterior lighting and of course the barking Great Danes.
2) The Legendary "Crime of the Century" thieves: Well, we just don't qualify for their attention. While there may be a few diamond bracelets and necklaces lying around, the quality items are kept in a bank vault, of course. And while the artwork here might be in the hundreds-of-thousands, it's certainly not in the tens-of-millions they're looking for -- and therefore not worth their time! Ha!
3) Cat Burglars, the True Working Professionals: Now these guys are seriously dangerous! Generally speaking, they are smart, athletic (can shimmy up a tree or water drain), they can outwit security systems, readily evaluate items of worth, grab them and be gone! And if a house is well guarded with gates and cameras, the more it attracts their attention! They watch the house, they watch the Society Pages in the newspapers, and they know when there's a party or gala coming up.
So this is our worst fear! Cat Burglars strike not when the house is dark and empty -- but when it is occupied! They know if there's a party or large event, most alarm systems are turned off -- of course. And they know that if there's a formal dinner in the Dining Room, or a large party that fills the downstairs and gardens -- that means the upstairs is not occupied, and that's when they strike!
But professional House Managers (I'm including myself in this category, ha!) are alert to this! During a downstairs event, I see to it that all upstairs balcony doors are locked and alarms engaged. I always put the Great Danes upstairs, for their barking skills. And I alert the Groundskeepers and Valet Parkers to keep their eyes open.
So all is well here in regards to security (I think, ha!). And after this weekend of "target practice" with my cousin, I myself might just be armed and dangerous. lol!
Again, will let you know how this goes. I've managed to live my whole life so far without the need for shooting a gun. But this is America, and things are as they are.
Thanks for stopping by!
And good night,
Andrew
_______________________________________
Update: June 1, 2011
In answer to some emails, yes we do hire security from time to time. It depends upon the party. So many of our guests arrive with their own security (sometimes with Secret Service dogs in advance, to "sniff out" the property, ha!) that I often rely upon their security and not have to spend the money to hire my own. It entirely depends upon the guest list.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
How To Clean a Chandelier!
_________________________________________
As the Butler in this billionaire's household, something I'm often asked is, "How do you clean your chandeliers?"
My answer is always, "We don't! We get someone else to do it!"
And I hope this will become your answer, as well!
Cleaning a chandelier is one of the most boring, tedious, time-consuming tasks known to mankind! So don't even think about doing it yourself! Ha!
In this house, in the dining room, we have an enormous Baccarat Chandelier -- three-tiered with forty-six lamps, if I counted correctly. There's several dozen large crystals and literally hundreds of small crystals. And there's just no way can we clean this monster ourselves!
So here's what I know, and here's what we do:
1) First and most important! There are several products on the market that ask you to spread a drop-cloth below the chandelier, then spray all the crystals with their product. And supposedly all the dirt, grime and soot will just drip off! But not so! Ha! These products are absolute frauds! None of them work! They all leave the crystals streaked and cloudy! So don't waste your time and money with this.
2) We keep our chandeliers looking fresh by dusting the cobwebs and hand-polishing the large crystals. (Use a rubber glove and a baby diaper sprayed with Windex, or some other glass cleaner of choice.) If the large crystals look sparkling clean to the casual observer, then that must mean the entire chandelier is clean! Right? (And if a guest just stands there and rudely stares at your chandelier, he needs to be thrown out and never invited again!)
3) You can send the chandelier out to a professional cleaner, who will take apart each crystal, polish it, and reassemble the entire fixture. And there goes an easy $20,000 for the movers to take it down, for the experts to clean it, and the movers once again to reinstall it. And your dining room will be out of service for at least two months.
4) Or, you can hire someone willing to sit on a ladder for hours on end and polish each and every crystal by hand. You'll need someone, and no offense here at all, with OCD's (Obsessive Compulsive Disorders). And you'll want to pay this person at least fifty dollars an hour. We have a wonderful young lady with minor OCD's who can clean our dining room chandelier in about twelve to fifteen hours.
(I hope I'm not being flippant about OCD's. Properly channeled, they can be very useful. And everyone has them to some extent, don't we? Even if it's the way we put on our socks in the morning.)
And there you have it, from a Professional Butler! (For whatever it's worth!) You know in your heart you will never clean your own chandelier!
So get rid of the guilt, and get someone else to do it! Ha!
Thanks for reading! Hope this wasn't a total waste of your time!
Good night
Andrew
As the Butler in this billionaire's household, something I'm often asked is, "How do you clean your chandeliers?"
My answer is always, "We don't! We get someone else to do it!"
And I hope this will become your answer, as well!
Cleaning a chandelier is one of the most boring, tedious, time-consuming tasks known to mankind! So don't even think about doing it yourself! Ha!
In this house, in the dining room, we have an enormous Baccarat Chandelier -- three-tiered with forty-six lamps, if I counted correctly. There's several dozen large crystals and literally hundreds of small crystals. And there's just no way can we clean this monster ourselves!
So here's what I know, and here's what we do:
1) First and most important! There are several products on the market that ask you to spread a drop-cloth below the chandelier, then spray all the crystals with their product. And supposedly all the dirt, grime and soot will just drip off! But not so! Ha! These products are absolute frauds! None of them work! They all leave the crystals streaked and cloudy! So don't waste your time and money with this.
2) We keep our chandeliers looking fresh by dusting the cobwebs and hand-polishing the large crystals. (Use a rubber glove and a baby diaper sprayed with Windex, or some other glass cleaner of choice.) If the large crystals look sparkling clean to the casual observer, then that must mean the entire chandelier is clean! Right? (And if a guest just stands there and rudely stares at your chandelier, he needs to be thrown out and never invited again!)
3) You can send the chandelier out to a professional cleaner, who will take apart each crystal, polish it, and reassemble the entire fixture. And there goes an easy $20,000 for the movers to take it down, for the experts to clean it, and the movers once again to reinstall it. And your dining room will be out of service for at least two months.
4) Or, you can hire someone willing to sit on a ladder for hours on end and polish each and every crystal by hand. You'll need someone, and no offense here at all, with OCD's (Obsessive Compulsive Disorders). And you'll want to pay this person at least fifty dollars an hour. We have a wonderful young lady with minor OCD's who can clean our dining room chandelier in about twelve to fifteen hours.
(I hope I'm not being flippant about OCD's. Properly channeled, they can be very useful. And everyone has them to some extent, don't we? Even if it's the way we put on our socks in the morning.)
And there you have it, from a Professional Butler! (For whatever it's worth!) You know in your heart you will never clean your own chandelier!
So get rid of the guilt, and get someone else to do it! Ha!
Thanks for reading! Hope this wasn't a total waste of your time!
Good night
Andrew
Friday, May 20, 2011
Planning a Party -- the Sally Quinn Way!
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In the early part of June there's a fairly-large cocktail party coming up. It's a fundraiser for the arts, with a hundred-and-sixty invitations sent out.
That's a potential of over three hundred high-society hobnobs! ( Even with the normal twenty-percent drop out, that's still a fairly large group!)
As butler here in this billionaire's home, this is all great fun for me, and I can immediately feel the pace picking up around here!
I've already started "To Do" lists for myself and both the indoor and outdoor staff. And we're all starting to perk up a little! (It gets really boring without some kind of event going on!)
But I couldn't get through a moment of this if it weren't for the advice of Sally Quinn -- famous Washington DC hostess and columnist for the Washington Post. Together with her husband Ben Bradlee (Executive Editor of the Post), these two could throw a party that's talked about for years to come!
In her book The Party, Ms Quinn helps us laugh our way through even the most
intense party preparations and unexpected occurrences.
And her delight in name dropping (from White House residents to opera legend Pavarotti) is amazing to read! She even sites names of other Washington hostesses who's parties were complete flops, and why! OMG!
Her philosophy is simply that a party is all about having fun!
At one of her events, the caterer got the date wrong, and she was suddenly without food for her guests! Not ruffled or deterred, she sent out house staff (someone like me, ha!) to buy buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken and mashed potatoes from Colonel Sanders -- which she served on her finest china and silver platters!
Her guests, she said, just rolled up their sleeves, and had a great time. Lesson learned according to Ms Quinn: "The food doesn't have to be fancy, it just has to be good!"
She also didn't consider her party a success unless at least one high-society guest or dignitary fell over drunk in the floor! lol!
So I'm happy to report that in this house we're on the same page with Ms Quinn! Rarely does an event here go by without someone (and I'll not drop names for fear of losing my job) doesn't have to be carried out and driven home in a hired car!
Parties in this house are all about music, candles, food, flowers---and fun! As all parties should be! (And if, in fact, you're planning a party right now, do read Sally Quinn's book. You won't be disappointed!)
Hope this was helpful and somewhat informative!
Thanks for stopping by!
Good night,
Andrew
In the early part of June there's a fairly-large cocktail party coming up. It's a fundraiser for the arts, with a hundred-and-sixty invitations sent out.
That's a potential of over three hundred high-society hobnobs! ( Even with the normal twenty-percent drop out, that's still a fairly large group!)
As butler here in this billionaire's home, this is all great fun for me, and I can immediately feel the pace picking up around here!
I've already started "To Do" lists for myself and both the indoor and outdoor staff. And we're all starting to perk up a little! (It gets really boring without some kind of event going on!)
But I couldn't get through a moment of this if it weren't for the advice of Sally Quinn -- famous Washington DC hostess and columnist for the Washington Post. Together with her husband Ben Bradlee (Executive Editor of the Post), these two could throw a party that's talked about for years to come!
In her book The Party, Ms Quinn helps us laugh our way through even the most
intense party preparations and unexpected occurrences. And her delight in name dropping (from White House residents to opera legend Pavarotti) is amazing to read! She even sites names of other Washington hostesses who's parties were complete flops, and why! OMG!
Her philosophy is simply that a party is all about having fun!
At one of her events, the caterer got the date wrong, and she was suddenly without food for her guests! Not ruffled or deterred, she sent out house staff (someone like me, ha!) to buy buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken and mashed potatoes from Colonel Sanders -- which she served on her finest china and silver platters!
Her guests, she said, just rolled up their sleeves, and had a great time. Lesson learned according to Ms Quinn: "The food doesn't have to be fancy, it just has to be good!"
She also didn't consider her party a success unless at least one high-society guest or dignitary fell over drunk in the floor! lol!
So I'm happy to report that in this house we're on the same page with Ms Quinn! Rarely does an event here go by without someone (and I'll not drop names for fear of losing my job) doesn't have to be carried out and driven home in a hired car!
Parties in this house are all about music, candles, food, flowers---and fun! As all parties should be! (And if, in fact, you're planning a party right now, do read Sally Quinn's book. You won't be disappointed!)
Hope this was helpful and somewhat informative!
Thanks for stopping by!
Good night,
Andrew
Monday, May 16, 2011
Cheap Caviar is Wonderful!
__________________________________
I've written more than once about Beluga Caviar -- its rarity, its expense and how it's served in high society.
But lets get real! To taste the difference between eggs from a twenty-year-old sturgeon and one that's a hundred-years-old takes a cultivated palate accustomed to caviar from childhood. (And a tongue not numbed by wine and gin at a cocktail party. Ha!)
The only way drunken guests at a party can decipher if caviar is expensive or not is if they see caviar spoons laid out. Ha!
And most of these rich people take only a small taste from the already-small caviar spoons -- fearing the salt might give them a heart attack in their salt-free diets! (How embarrassing would that be, to drop over dead at a cocktail party? Ha!)
For the rest of us, inexpensive caviar from Lump Fish (red or black) is available in any supermarket (usually in the deli section). Maybe it costs nine-or-ten dollars for a two-ounce jar, but that's considerably less than $3,000 for a half-kilo! Right?
And the taste is not dissimilar to the expensive caviar from the Caspian Sea --salty fish eggs. Ha!
For two years I lived in Switzerland (Geneva, the French side), and a friend there would often make this wonderful, very simple recipe:
-Boil some fettuccine
-Stir in some sour cream
-Serve it with Lump Fish Caviar sprinkled over the top.
You won't believe how good this is! You can sprinkle some chives in here too, if you wish. Adds color and an additional burst of flavour.
But here's a tip: Don't stir the spaghetti after you sprinkle the caviar! If you do, the eggs will break and turn your beautiful dish black or gray -- speaking from experience!
So we don't have to be rich to enjoy the taste of caviar! Hope you'll try this, and hope you enjoy. Let me know.
Good night,
Andrew
I've written more than once about Beluga Caviar -- its rarity, its expense and how it's served in high society.
But lets get real! To taste the difference between eggs from a twenty-year-old sturgeon and one that's a hundred-years-old takes a cultivated palate accustomed to caviar from childhood. (And a tongue not numbed by wine and gin at a cocktail party. Ha!)
The only way drunken guests at a party can decipher if caviar is expensive or not is if they see caviar spoons laid out. Ha!
And most of these rich people take only a small taste from the already-small caviar spoons -- fearing the salt might give them a heart attack in their salt-free diets! (How embarrassing would that be, to drop over dead at a cocktail party? Ha!)
For the rest of us, inexpensive caviar from Lump Fish (red or black) is available in any supermarket (usually in the deli section). Maybe it costs nine-or-ten dollars for a two-ounce jar, but that's considerably less than $3,000 for a half-kilo! Right?
And the taste is not dissimilar to the expensive caviar from the Caspian Sea --salty fish eggs. Ha!
For two years I lived in Switzerland (Geneva, the French side), and a friend there would often make this wonderful, very simple recipe:
-Boil some fettuccine
-Stir in some sour cream
-Serve it with Lump Fish Caviar sprinkled over the top.
You won't believe how good this is! You can sprinkle some chives in here too, if you wish. Adds color and an additional burst of flavour.
But here's a tip: Don't stir the spaghetti after you sprinkle the caviar! If you do, the eggs will break and turn your beautiful dish black or gray -- speaking from experience!
So we don't have to be rich to enjoy the taste of caviar! Hope you'll try this, and hope you enjoy. Let me know.
Good night,
Andrew
Friday, May 13, 2011
High Fashion -- Day and Night!
____________________________________________
"Fashion is what one wears oneself. What is unfashionable is what other people wear!"
Oscar Wilde
In this billionaire's house, high fashion is on parade day and night!
In the mornings when my employers "descend" from their upstairs lair, the Mister is always in pajamas, leather house shoes, and a satin robe of various colors. The Missus is in one-of-dozens of negligees, covered by a matching robe (sleeves pushed up), and slippers with feathers. (There's always feathers!)
After breakfast, they jump into gym clothes (or shorts and tennis shoes) for morning walks or a visit to the gym. And afterward, they'll change into day wear.
The Mister dresses for the office, slacks, jacket, but no tie (unless he's going to court, and rich people are forever being dragged into court, ha!)
The Missus will most likely be in jeans (designer of course), heels (if not stilettos), a bejeweled belt, and some kind of blouse with ruffles and frills -- her signature look. On cool days, add a five-thousand-dollar leather jacket from Neiman's, and you've got whole picture.
Then they're off for the day!
Around four-thirty or five pm, they arrive home and after a short nap or at least a brief recline, they change into cocktail attire. (I've been here three years, and not one day passes, even Saturday and Sunday, when they do not get into cocktail attire!)
Of course, if there's an event, they'll change from cocktail dress to more formal attire, all the way up to Dinner Jacket* for the Mister, and an evening gown for the Missus.
Not to mention all the diamond rings, bracelets, earrings and pearls you can imagine. (The Missus is also fond of ankle bracelets, from Cartier of course.)
Before writing this post today, I actually took a count of all the Missus' shoes, which I've never done before.
And in her enormous closet there are triangular glass shelves with back lighting from floor to ceiling (two pairs of shoes per shelf) displaying one-hundred-and-sixty-eight pairs of pumps and stilettos, with every designer name you can imagine!
In pull-out drawers, there are thirty-nine pairs of leather flats. And some seventeen pairs of tennis shoes.
I fully realize this number is paltry and pitiful compared to Imelda Marcos' 3,000 pairs. (Although Mrs. Marcos herself insists "I did not have 3,000 pairs of shoes, I had one-thousand-and-sixty". )
Check that link for some of the hardest laughs you may ever have, "The Wit and Wisdom of Imelda Marcos". Ha! She could make Oscar Wilde laugh in his grave!
Madonna (in music) understands this world of the high-fashion rich better than I! For a refresher, just hit this link to "Vogue"!
Hope this has been fun!
Good night,
Andrew
* And by the way, Dinner Jackets are also known as Tuxedos. To my international readers, in America instead of spending two-or-three thousand dollars for a Dinner Jacket, you can rent one for just one evening in what's called a Tuxedo Shop. This accommodation is used for High School Promenades, Weddings and other special events wherein we can pretend to be rich, if just for one evening. No apologies here: it's a cultural phenomena, and it's just how we are. Ha!
"Fashion is what one wears oneself. What is unfashionable is what other people wear!"
Oscar Wilde
In this billionaire's house, high fashion is on parade day and night!
In the mornings when my employers "descend" from their upstairs lair, the Mister is always in pajamas, leather house shoes, and a satin robe of various colors. The Missus is in one-of-dozens of negligees, covered by a matching robe (sleeves pushed up), and slippers with feathers. (There's always feathers!)
After breakfast, they jump into gym clothes (or shorts and tennis shoes) for morning walks or a visit to the gym. And afterward, they'll change into day wear.
The Mister dresses for the office, slacks, jacket, but no tie (unless he's going to court, and rich people are forever being dragged into court, ha!)
The Missus will most likely be in jeans (designer of course), heels (if not stilettos), a bejeweled belt, and some kind of blouse with ruffles and frills -- her signature look. On cool days, add a five-thousand-dollar leather jacket from Neiman's, and you've got whole picture.
Then they're off for the day!
Around four-thirty or five pm, they arrive home and after a short nap or at least a brief recline, they change into cocktail attire. (I've been here three years, and not one day passes, even Saturday and Sunday, when they do not get into cocktail attire!)
Of course, if there's an event, they'll change from cocktail dress to more formal attire, all the way up to Dinner Jacket* for the Mister, and an evening gown for the Missus.
Not to mention all the diamond rings, bracelets, earrings and pearls you can imagine. (The Missus is also fond of ankle bracelets, from Cartier of course.)
Before writing this post today, I actually took a count of all the Missus' shoes, which I've never done before.
And in her enormous closet there are triangular glass shelves with back lighting from floor to ceiling (two pairs of shoes per shelf) displaying one-hundred-and-sixty-eight pairs of pumps and stilettos, with every designer name you can imagine!
In pull-out drawers, there are thirty-nine pairs of leather flats. And some seventeen pairs of tennis shoes.
I fully realize this number is paltry and pitiful compared to Imelda Marcos' 3,000 pairs. (Although Mrs. Marcos herself insists "I did not have 3,000 pairs of shoes, I had one-thousand-and-sixty". )
Check that link for some of the hardest laughs you may ever have, "The Wit and Wisdom of Imelda Marcos". Ha! She could make Oscar Wilde laugh in his grave!
Madonna (in music) understands this world of the high-fashion rich better than I! For a refresher, just hit this link to "Vogue"!
Hope this has been fun!
Good night,
Andrew
* And by the way, Dinner Jackets are also known as Tuxedos. To my international readers, in America instead of spending two-or-three thousand dollars for a Dinner Jacket, you can rent one for just one evening in what's called a Tuxedo Shop. This accommodation is used for High School Promenades, Weddings and other special events wherein we can pretend to be rich, if just for one evening. No apologies here: it's a cultural phenomena, and it's just how we are. Ha!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Consignment Shops and The Rich!
___________________________________
While the Missus has a few signature dresses she wears around town, at the same time she has an absolute phobia about being seen in the same cocktail dress more than once!
In my laptop I have an on-going index of (a) her cocktail dresses, (b) the event she was hosting and what dress was worn, and (c) the guest list. When there's an event in the house, I have to cross-reference the guests lists to see what dress she can wear for the evening!
And the end result of all this is that I'm forever being sent off to the Consignment Shop to dump some dress that has outworn it's guest list!
A good Consignment Shop will assess the value of a garment, assign a price ranging between one-third and one-fourth its original purchase price, and will pay forty-to-forty-five percent of their assessed value to the Consignor.
Others might assign a 50-50 split for items that sell within the first thirty days, then drop the price (and percentage) over a couple of months, until the garment sells.
Example: We use a Consignment Shop that assigns a one-third value to the original purchase price, and pays the Consignor (me) forty-five percent of the sale price. That's a good deal! So, when I take in a Valentino cocktail dress (black and white lace at an original price of $6,590), the Consignment Shop will put a price tag of $2,195 on the garment and pay me roughly $985. (And this garment may have been worn twice. Ha!)
So the Missus will apply this return toward the next cocktail dress, and on and on.
For lesser attire, she's quite generous in giving away garments and shoes to womens' shelters, institutionalized people, even housestaff. But when it comes to cocktail attire, it seems this is a business, which indeed most cocktail parties are, in their billionaire world!
I was awakened to the interest in what the Missus does with cast-off items by several comments and email inquiries. And by a reader in the UK, Emma, who's entire website is dedicated to assembling outfits from Second-Hand Stores, Consignment Shops, and "other legal means". Ha!
Check out her really fun website on this link!
Thanks for reading!
And good night!
Andrew
While the Missus has a few signature dresses she wears around town, at the same time she has an absolute phobia about being seen in the same cocktail dress more than once!
In my laptop I have an on-going index of (a) her cocktail dresses, (b) the event she was hosting and what dress was worn, and (c) the guest list. When there's an event in the house, I have to cross-reference the guests lists to see what dress she can wear for the evening!
And the end result of all this is that I'm forever being sent off to the Consignment Shop to dump some dress that has outworn it's guest list!
A good Consignment Shop will assess the value of a garment, assign a price ranging between one-third and one-fourth its original purchase price, and will pay forty-to-forty-five percent of their assessed value to the Consignor.
Others might assign a 50-50 split for items that sell within the first thirty days, then drop the price (and percentage) over a couple of months, until the garment sells.
Example: We use a Consignment Shop that assigns a one-third value to the original purchase price, and pays the Consignor (me) forty-five percent of the sale price. That's a good deal! So, when I take in a Valentino cocktail dress (black and white lace at an original price of $6,590), the Consignment Shop will put a price tag of $2,195 on the garment and pay me roughly $985. (And this garment may have been worn twice. Ha!)
So the Missus will apply this return toward the next cocktail dress, and on and on.
For lesser attire, she's quite generous in giving away garments and shoes to womens' shelters, institutionalized people, even housestaff. But when it comes to cocktail attire, it seems this is a business, which indeed most cocktail parties are, in their billionaire world!
I was awakened to the interest in what the Missus does with cast-off items by several comments and email inquiries. And by a reader in the UK, Emma, who's entire website is dedicated to assembling outfits from Second-Hand Stores, Consignment Shops, and "other legal means". Ha!
Check out her really fun website on this link!
Thanks for reading!
And good night!
Andrew
Friday, May 6, 2011
Unrequited Love! An Embarrassing Tale of Woe!
________________________________________________
This post could be rather embarrassing - but I recall telling you about my inappropriate and absurd flirtation with Billie the Exterminator, in a post entitled "The Beginning of Lent".
Then, in a later post "Lent is Over--Back to Business", I revealed another ridiculous scenario wherein I called in Billie (for some insects that "accidentally" got into the house) - and that I just happened to have her favorite music (a cello CD) playing at the time.
Do you remember Hattie McDaniel who played Mammy in "Gone With the Wind"? Scarlett O'Hara was interfering in the relationship between Ashley and Melanie, and Hattie accused her of "Sittin' there like a big ol' spider!".
Well, I thought of Hattie the minute Billie arrived! Me sitting there like a big ol' spider!
Billie did inquire about the cello artist, Jacqueline du Pre.
But then (girls being so intuitive), she immediately said that she and her husband were teaching her daughter how to play the cello!
I hope you're laughing along with me! I know when I've been shot down!
And sorry for wasting you're time here, but I've had a few email inquiries as to what happened with Billie.
So the answer is nothing! And it's decidedly time to back off!
When will I ever learn? The last time I got this wrapped up in someone, I very soon got the Lesley Gore Treatment. Just hit this YouTube link to see exactly what I mean. Ha!
I know this post is absurd! But matters of the heart are ever present, aren't they?
Thanks for stopping by,
And good night,
Andrew
___________________________________________________________
UPDATE: February 5, 2013
Upon her visit today, Billie casually (if somewhat awkwardly) told me that she and her husband are going through a divorce.
This post could be rather embarrassing - but I recall telling you about my inappropriate and absurd flirtation with Billie the Exterminator, in a post entitled "The Beginning of Lent".
Then, in a later post "Lent is Over--Back to Business", I revealed another ridiculous scenario wherein I called in Billie (for some insects that "accidentally" got into the house) - and that I just happened to have her favorite music (a cello CD) playing at the time.
Do you remember Hattie McDaniel who played Mammy in "Gone With the Wind"? Scarlett O'Hara was interfering in the relationship between Ashley and Melanie, and Hattie accused her of "Sittin' there like a big ol' spider!".
Well, I thought of Hattie the minute Billie arrived! Me sitting there like a big ol' spider!
Billie did inquire about the cello artist, Jacqueline du Pre.
But then (girls being so intuitive), she immediately said that she and her husband were teaching her daughter how to play the cello!
I hope you're laughing along with me! I know when I've been shot down!
And sorry for wasting you're time here, but I've had a few email inquiries as to what happened with Billie.
So the answer is nothing! And it's decidedly time to back off!
When will I ever learn? The last time I got this wrapped up in someone, I very soon got the Lesley Gore Treatment. Just hit this YouTube link to see exactly what I mean. Ha!
I know this post is absurd! But matters of the heart are ever present, aren't they?
Thanks for stopping by,
And good night,
Andrew
___________________________________________________________
UPDATE: February 5, 2013
Upon her visit today, Billie casually (if somewhat awkwardly) told me that she and her husband are going through a divorce.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
R.S.V.P. Invitations -- and Regrets!
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We’ve all received invitations with “RSVP” at the bottom. And we all know more or less what it means -- which is simply “Let us know if you’re coming”.
We’ve all received invitations with “RSVP” at the bottom. And we all know more or less what it means -- which is simply “Let us know if you’re coming”.
This helps the host or hostess know (food and drink wise) for how many people to prepare. Which trickles down to the Chef (or caterer), and down to people like me, who must have enough caviar on hand. Ha!
It’s a French phrase: “Repondez, s’il vous plait”.
And it’s hard to translate: “Respond if you please” is the general meaning, of course. But “Respond if it pleases you” or “Respond if you it pleases” is closer to the French – the infamous (and eternally annoying) French reflexive pronoun!
And it’s hard to translate: “Respond if you please” is the general meaning, of course. But “Respond if it pleases you” or “Respond if you it pleases” is closer to the French – the infamous (and eternally annoying) French reflexive pronoun!
But here’s a rough and generally reliable translation:
R. - Respond
S. - If
V. - You
P. - Please
R. - Respond
S. - If
V. - You
P. - Please
I know how easy it is to blow off RSVP requests because we’re not that thrilled about going to some school graduation or a wedding between two people -- one of whom we intensely dislike! Ha!
But in high society, one does not blow off an RSVP!
It would be immediate cause for gossip, scandal and possibly grounds for ostracism!
In addition, if you cannot attend an invited event, you're expected to let that be known in what is called Regrets:
- A handwritten note, stamped and mailed is best!
- A personal phone call is the next best response.
It would be immediate cause for gossip, scandal and possibly grounds for ostracism!
In addition, if you cannot attend an invited event, you're expected to let that be known in what is called Regrets:
- A handwritten note, stamped and mailed is best!
- A personal phone call is the next best response.
- An email is the weakest response, but I hear it's gaining acceptability.
I'm forever running to the post office to send off "Regrets" -- handwritten by the Missus on exquisite Crane & Company stationery -- to the constant flood of invitations that come into this house!
I'm forever running to the post office to send off "Regrets" -- handwritten by the Missus on exquisite Crane & Company stationery -- to the constant flood of invitations that come into this house!
So for you and me, the next time we get an RSVP invitation in the mail (no matter how dreadful and miserable the event might be), we need to be considerate of the host or hostess and let them know if we’re coming or not!
But get your excuses all lined up first!
Keep in mind that no one remembers how many times your Grandmother has died! But if they do, you can always say “my other Grandmother! (Most people have at least two, and multiples thereof in divorced and remarried families. Ha! )
But get your excuses all lined up first!
Keep in mind that no one remembers how many times your Grandmother has died! But if they do, you can always say “my other Grandmother! (Most people have at least two, and multiples thereof in divorced and remarried families. Ha! )
In any case, do let your host or hostess know! It helps them out -- and it’s the polite thing to do!
Thanks for reading (if you did)! Ha!
And good night,
Andrew
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ADDENDUM: 5/5/11
I entirely forgot to mention that many host/hostesses nowadays are putting a telephone number directly below the R.S.V.P. This eliminates the need for handwritten regrets, it's especially useful for short-notice invitations, and it's seemingly gaining acceptability.
But I dread the day when I see an email address below the R.S.V.P. If that would be the case, then why not send the invitation out by email in the first place? The very idea gives me pause (ha!), but at least your potential guest could just hit the "reply" button. Or not! It's just as easy to blow off an email as it is an engraved invitation!
Thanks for reading (if you did)! Ha!
And good night,
Andrew
___________________________________________________________________
ADDENDUM: 5/5/11
I entirely forgot to mention that many host/hostesses nowadays are putting a telephone number directly below the R.S.V.P. This eliminates the need for handwritten regrets, it's especially useful for short-notice invitations, and it's seemingly gaining acceptability.
But I dread the day when I see an email address below the R.S.V.P. If that would be the case, then why not send the invitation out by email in the first place? The very idea gives me pause (ha!), but at least your potential guest could just hit the "reply" button. Or not! It's just as easy to blow off an email as it is an engraved invitation!
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